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Landfall2004

THE BUNKER BARDS

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by on 04-20-2016 at 05:20 PM (7308 Views)
OK--that did it. 3K's (aka KanKunKid or Rocken Kevin) newest entry MUST be preserved for posterity.

PLEASE--ALL OF YOU--if/when you have time, go back and copy some of the 3K classics over to here. We can't afford to lose them!!!

AND PLEASE add any others you wish to preserve for posterior.

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Updated 08-28-2016 at 09:00 PM by Landfall2004

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  1. Landfall2004's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by KanKunKid
    Yes lightning IS weird (among other things...)

    In the mid 90's I was living in western Ohio in the Eaton area. I was very active in the Skywarn net and having been involved with the NWS and spotter training when I lived in Indiana, I was received with all the veneration and admiration a former "emergency coordinator" could stand and the local county allowed me to have flashing red and blue lights on my vehicle when doing my civic duty (not Honda Civic, the other kind..) which was generally to verify visually the actual cloud formations as they headed east across the state line from Indiana and tell the NWS via ham radio net, whether Doppler radar was being fictitious or misleading.

    I had an over zealous assistant, an ex cop about 15 years older than me, who loved the adventure!
    Many a time we braved the elements to report live from the scene. With the Xenia Ohio tornado massacre still fresh in his mind from his cop days, he was eager to have a part in helping to warn those in harm's way.

    One spring night on a Sunday, a small cell was building to the west and was giving quite a show at the end of the day. We had each been at a picnic at somebody's house there in the same addition he lived in. I left early and went home to plan work for the next day, so my family was still at the picnic.
    My assistant left too and went home and took a short nap when he was awakened by a loud boom of thunder! He went out to his garage so he could see the approaching storm which was almost upon him. So from his garage, he sat down in a folding metal chair and called me to ask if we were going to "chase" in this storm. I had already checked, it was an isolated cell, a big Juan, but not a storm with the kind of rotation likely to form a tornado. So we were to stand down.
    He was giving his acknowledgements when I heard a "fizzzits!" and the line went dead. I waited for him to call back but after a minute or 2, he didn't call and when I tried to call him, the phone didn't even ring.
    I feared the worst, and called over to the party and told my wife and his wife to get over to his house (about 500 yards away) and check him out!
    I too jumped in my truck and with my red and blue lights flashing, I headed to his place, about 5 minutes away.
    When I got there, he was still sitting up on the garage floor with a confused albeit whimsical look on his face. His graying comb-over was sticking straight up like a rooster's comb and he was explaining to the friends and family gathered around what exactly had happened.
    While he was talking to me on the phone, lightning had struck the house. We found out later that it hit his TV antenna and went through the cable and telephone lines and blew up everything considered an electronic appliance connected to anything it zapped. The coffee make was toast but the toaster wasn't.
    My wife was already leaving and she was the first to arrive with him lying face down on the floor and smoke coming from one side of his head and the telephone. I tended to pooh pooh the story, but my 2 sons verified it, which of course, made the story worth retelling in and of itself. As he got older he even started to tell ME the story (Lord knows I have heard his stories many a time over and over again, as old people often forget who they told what to. A sign of bein old or a bad liar) until he realized what he was doing, because the beginning of the story always started with his friend (The KanKun Kids real name)Ham radio operator, and how he chased tornadoes, (not 100% accurate but the exaggeration was not 100% false either, for part of my job was to follow behind the tornado or storm and assess damage and see if emergency medical help was needed, fire, flooding, gas leaks, etc) since I was sitting right there, that usually stopped the story from unfolding, but didn't stop the reminiscing. I used to be annoyed by it, but now that I have gotten old, I have come to appreciate reminiscing. To deny an older person a verbal reminiscence is a moral criminal act. So, I now listen with interest when Juan tells a tale from their past. As a matter of fact, I was always fascinated by such stories, but I did not give them the dignity they deserved 100% of the time.
    In the latest revision of the story his whole head was smoking.
    Other than that he stuck close to the facts and sometimes he will add to the story that we stayed up until the wee hours of the morning (just to make sure he didn't have a concussion, or at least that was the excuse we used) drinking some good old Kentucky bourbon and swapping tales of yore. He was a salesman for a large food consortium and I was doing the same thing I am doing now. I slept in and the called and cancelled work for that day and he got up at the usual time and worked the whole day, a fact he seldom leaves out.
    I believe that if he had been on his phone near the TV antenna, he may not have been around to tell the tale.
    But lightning spared him and allowed him to tell of its power for future generations, or maybe just one, barely.
    So, I will concur.
    Lightning is weird. Scary, but weird.
    ...
  2. Landfall2004's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by KanKunKid
    I have felt that static charge a few times.

    As you know the FL peninsula is the lightning capitol of the world, in SW FL it is particularly prevalent, as it is prone to thunderstorms 365/24/7

    My older son and I were going out to bring something in from my pick up truck as a storm was starting to build as it came from the west which was the Gulf. I believe we were carrying a board or something, but he was closer to the house than I was by about 12 feet. I felt my hair stand up and I could see his standing up and for a split second he made a confused face, but just then, I could feel a buzzing feeling or maybe I heard it or both and both of us instinctively ducked! A millisecond later, a lightning bolt struck across the street (there was a big bush there that lightning seemed to like) behind me and it seemed to come over the roof of my house. We dropped whatever we were holding and ran like the Keystone cops to the shelter of the indoors! As I made it inside and looked out, I could see a few wisps of smoke emanating from the bush across the street. Within a few seconds a downpour quenched all evidence that the bush had been struck, at least at the range I was comfortable with at the time.
    Other than that, and as much lightning as Cape Coral was famous for producing (Ben Franklin would have loved it there!) my little piece of it (that I paid the asking price over a period of 10 years and still got nothing from it, it was like renting without the maintenance and not getting the deposit back...don't get me started on WaMu) was never hit, even though there was a well head (PVC pipe though) on the corner of it 20 ft from the lake.
    The power went out inexplicably one bright sunny day, but it was owing to the sacrifice of a bird who decided to explore the area around an electrical transformer that brought 600 VAC down to 220, for a place to make his or her home. Ah, but it was immediately rewarded for its efforts, it didn't take 10 years or so like the rest of us humans. but there were more than average power outages because of the lightning, but after a few, you get some UPSs and hope the DSL line holds. During the Charley debacle, power went out, but I was able to stay online broadcasting for the whole landing and an hour afterward until it went out for some strange and I believe, a silly reason.

    I too am fond of having my option #2 supplies donated by Californians. they are not willing on their own to provide such. However, the other day at Safeway, I was checking out the liquor aisle and lo and behold, there stood a 750ML bottle of some of my favorite bourbon, Makers Mark, for about $20! Even in TN it is around $30! I don't drink as much as I should, so this will last me awhile. It may not have been provided, but a discount is a gift that keeps on giving, that is, until the bottle is dry.

    Today is my last day in the Bay area, I am headed to Phoenix for a 2 day job and then back to TN. The weather for the trip looks good now, but as usual, it will be subject to change. I will be going back via I-40 which will put me right in the pointy part of tornado alley. Hopefully by next Tuesday or Wednesday the 4 cats will be wrong (why does the word wrong have a silent W in the beginning of it? that's just rong) It is showing warm weather in the entire mid section of the country (hotter in Minot ND than So Cal!) and rain and/or severe weather across my path.
    It could be worse.

    Have a nice weekend every Juan!
    Option #2 practice begins promptly at 5 unless it has already started before then.
    ...
  3. Landfall2004's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by KanKunKid
    I agree with you on the packaging. I catch the greedy bastards in every scheme they use to try raise profits and lower costs, generally so the CEO can make more money, which is often disproportionate to the their actual worth..Don't get me started.
    I buy the regular "slow" oatmeal. It may take a couple of minutes longer to cook, but at least it tastes like oatmeal, sometimes burnt oatmeal, because it isn't very forgiving if you over cook it. I love it with lots of butter, brown sugar and topped with wheat germ! With the butter and brownsugar and wheat germ together, it tastes like a graham cracker pie crust...anyway, it's like a desert to me.

    As far as organic/natural veggies and stuff. They are not all as advertised and the extra cost isn't warranted. I would however, pay extra for some real tomatoes instead of these mushy dry things they sell at supermarkets.

    As far as golf goes, it is like almost every sport to me, golf, basketball, football, racing, baseball, sex, volleyball, curling..I would much rather be a participant than a spectator. So I don't really watch. I like to play with friends and we don't get too competitive. 4 putting is what I do. I slice too. I always play with golfers better than me, not because I want to, I just don't have a choice. My first wife beat me badly in a "scramble." It was the first time she had ever held a golf club in her hand. Golf is hard. Now I can smack the ball like Happy Gilmore, but I never know where it will go, but most of the time it is not on the green I need it to land on. Most of strokes I take are getting back to the green. My balls have been cursed to forever land in a body of water, size of the body doesn't matter or it's relative position between me and the pin.
    Good golfers like to play with me. They always do well. They say I absorb all the bad luck so they can have a good game. So they are happy and make some really good shots! They feel so good that they buy dinner and I get a nice steak entree. So it's win-win for me. I moved from where I had golf buddies and I lost my clubs in my first divorce (sort of).
    i am 300 miles from Phoenix, a little east of LA this morning, and I will take my time and get there this afternoon and chill. I could have made it last night except traffic around NE LA county on I 210 was jammed up. It got dark and I got tired. It rained most of the way down from the San Jose area down the long valley till about 100 miles north of LA. It got windy and gusty and there were 20 degree temperature changes all along the way, from the 50's to the 70's.
    So, in a couple of hours, I will be out of California and I will be glad.
    The only other plates I saw here were Texas plates. Everybody else flies here I guess. That's probably why the airports are so busy and jammed up all the time. But these people seemed to be used to it. They are in a hurry and will race to the next light, 300 feet ahead and will pass you and slam on the brakes! They never get ahead, they are just abusing their ride. But that's how it is here. Everyjuan wants to get ahead!

    Not me. I just want to get out.

    I cannot fault people who like it here. There are some redeeming values to be had. I would get used to it if I was forced to live here. But I hope that doesn't happen. There are lots of things to see and do here, but dang! I have lived within a mile of Juan of the nicest lakes in the country for 4 years and I haven't put a boat or drowned a worm in it the whole time, and there are no traffic jams here between me and the lake, whereas there is nothing BUT traffic jams here.

    So, I don't think I will be moving here soon.

    Y'all enjoy what's left of the weekend, option #2 is still on the table..

    ***Tips hat to the ladies***
    ...
  4. Landfall2004's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by KanKunKid
    You've heard of the Breaking Bad" series? Well, I am "MAKING Bad." That's right, I make bad weather. I don't do it on purpose, it just happens. (I am sure you have heard people say that **** happens, well if it weren't true, so many people wouldn't be saying it!) I used to think that it was because weather hated me, but now I think it likes me. Either way, it will turn out bad for yours truly, like a Latina wife. (Not all, just enough to make it true)
    This is also why SS/BS protocols don't really help me, at least not the normal Juans. Weather has its bases covered. It will rain hard anyway if my window is stuck halfway down or not. If I am in a trailer park, a tornado will form nearby. It may or may not hit the trailer park, but the fear and sleeplessness is all it wanted anyway. Weather is smart. If it made tornadoes to destroy all the trailers in trailer parks, then the Gummint would out law trailers, and then what fun would the weather have with its tornadoes. Oh yeah, I got its number!
    It's the same with flooding, if it flooded the flood prone areas all the time, people would never rebuild there. But weather lures the unwary into a sense of false security and just when they get comfortable WHAM!! it strikes again!
    It's the same with hurricanes, earthquakes, volcanoes, Nor'easters, Blizzards and heat waves. The weather is betting on every juan eventually becoming complacent and letting their guard down. It purposely fools the weather sensors and plays hell with the computer models. Man will never be able to accurately foretell the weather, it just has too many tricks up its sleeve.
    Me? I am always ready. I don't wear a tin foil hat (anymore) but I have developed a 6th or maybe even a 7th sense about the weather. So let me expose some of the false information you have been given:
    1. Don't go out in the rain.
    Why not? Yet you will get naked and get into a shower. Rain itself cannot hurt you. Don't worry about it. There is no need to have a safety protocol for rain. Now your clothes may be damaged or your hair-do, but if you care about those things, don't let it rain on them. Science has given us shields against rain. It isn't a safety issue.
    2. Don't play golf in a thunderstorm or you may get hit by lightning.
    This is like saying don't play with matches while refueling your car with gasoline. It's ok though if it is a Tesla or another electric car. The thing is, it's going to thunderstorm and lightning is likely to strike wherever it feels like striking. 90% of the time it will totally ignore a golf course. But because golfers are such whine pots, they have spread the tales of a golfer or 2 getting hit and scaring the beejezus out of the rest of them. No, lightning hits golfers on purpose. Statistics overwhelmingly point to it. In a small town in Illinois, one lightning bolt struck during a thunderstorm and hit only one golfer playing that day. No, I have figured out that whoever really controls the weather bets on golf or the thing our parents told us when we were little to make us behave was actually true, that the bad things we do will come back to us Juan day. Playing golf just pisses them off, and particularly when it is getting ready to thunderstorm. So if you dare to tempt fate, go ahead and play golf before, during or after a thunderstorm. It isn't a safety issue, it is payback. It WILL get you juan day, but playing golf in bad weather will just speed up the process.

    That's all I have time for now, my lightning/golf research was found here.

    ...
  5. Landfall2004's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by KanKunKid
    I didn't have much fun. I wanted to, I really did, but fate was out to get me and I was punished for doing a good deed.

    I woke up in Sallisaw, OK this morning after a 2 day drive from Phoenix, to Albuquerque, to Sallisaw. But DOOM came early in the morning in the form of that storm system comma tail, headed east. It just hit and moved on after I left and so I had to drive through it going east. It was off and on hard rain and sprinklies. Finally 3 hours later, in the west end of Arkansas Which should be Arkansaw or Kansas should be pronounced "Kansaw" but anyway, I ran out of it.
    But my fun was just beginning when I stopped for lunch and saw I had a very low tire in the right rear (of the truck not me) I went to Oreillys and bought some fix a flat, but I had already aired the tire up, so I decided to see how bad the leak was and so I drove on for about 30 miles and pulled into a rest area and saw it was down about 10 lbs. So I loaded up the tire with the fix a flat and waited for it to finish.
    While I was waiting there a lady come up and asked if I could help them. I asked how? They needed a ride to Memphis (about 60 miles east) I said sure. Another lady the came and was asking some other questions about getting home. Me and my big mouth. I asked where home was. I thought they said Tompkinsville. I said "That's on my way home!" They said "really?" I said sure, how were they going to get home from Memphis. I warned them about the "iffy" tire, but their axle was broken so, it was better than being stranded in a rest area. Arrangements were made for their car and 4 of them 2 ladies a man and a boy of about 11, piled their things in the Tahoe and away we went!
    As we were going, I came to ask them how they got to Tompkinsville and what road they took. They looked at me funny when I suggested a few routes. The lady on the back said, "All I know is it is right next to Fort Campbell, the army base."

    I realized now that I had to take them 3 hours out of the way, almost to southern Indiana, to HOPKINSVILLE! Kentucky...

    But it was OK, the tire seemed to holding and everyone was sleeping, except me of course.
    But going north after going about 60 miles east of Memphis, allowed the storm, which was biased east the more north you went, was waiting for us not too far from the KY/TN border and it rained a little.

    It wasn't bad when I dropped them off and headed down I 24 to Nashville. But I stopped in Clarksville to check on the tire. I went inside a Pilot truck stop and bought a tire plug kit and went out to the Tahoe and plugged the hole, then I put $1.50 of hard earned American dollars into the asthmatic air machine. After 5 minutes, it managed to put 10 lbs in.
    So I went across the street and got some quarters by spending $3 at the ATM and getting a $20 out.
    So I went and tried to put more air in it. It got up to 35 lbs and ran out just at that point which was max pressure.
    I felt the plug for air leaking and I didn't need to. It was whistling out. So I got another plug and put it next to the other one and put more money in and aired it up.
    This time there was no leaking.

    HA! I thought! That did it!

    About this time, driving east on I 24, the full vengeance of the storm was coming down in buckets, but traffic was not slowing down! It was a hair raising trip to say the least, being rain-blinded when passing a semi and I couldn't see through the mist at the road ahead approaching at 70 MPH!

    But I got through Nashville and was about 40 miles east in little to no traffic when the tire blew out. I was all over the road as many of you know a rear blow out can be very difficult to control, especially when it is riding on the rim, mostly.

    I wrestled to the side of the road where a guard rail was put to keep people from driving down an embankment.
    I got out to assess the situation. Spare. Check. Tools to take the tire off and on. Check. Jack. Nope! AW!!!

    It was 1130 and my only relative and person that could help me was fast asleep and had his phone turned off.

    I finally gave in and called AAA. My membership ran out a year ago. So I tried to call and renew it but the robot voice told me "Our offices are now closed" So now I was committed.
    I called the AAA help line and asked for help. They asked for my card (I threw it away, hey! I thought I was going to be in the Philippines by now when I was considering rejoining last year!) But they settled for my name and phone number and told me my membership had expired as of a year ago *** fake surprise tone on my end*** "Can I renew it now?"

    "Yes you can! Which one would you like, basic, plus or premier?"

    "Premier"

    OK that'll be $127. But all of the benefits (like a free 200 mile tow) will not go into effect until after 3 days. but at least I could get going tonight, I was 1 1/2 hours from home!
    Or so I thought!

    When the towing service guy arrived, it was raining cats and dogs that had to pee. I asked him if he had anything to help me get my spare tire down, it being held up by a winch contraption that lets the tire down by turning a tube that is accessible through the rear bumper. But since the jack was missing, the handle that turns the jack also turns the spare winch tube and so I was, once again, S.O.L.

    The guy asked if I wanted to just take it to a tire shop and get a hotel and have them fix it in the morning.
    I acquiesced. He loaded it up and we headed for Lebanon TN, where he dropped my Tahoe off at a tire shop and I grabbed some things and am now sitting in the Ramada hotel room in my (dry) underwear, drinking a beer and explaining this to you. The beer is warm.

    So this is once again, PROOF! "No good deed goes unpunished!"

    If I hadn't have helped the poor unfortunate family, I would have been home at 9 PM drinking a COLD beer and having at least some semblance of peace and quite before I spend the next 2 days doing my taxes...Those who have an LLC know what I mean.

    So I will be out $300 bucks by the time everything is said and done by tomorrow and at least I'll have AAA coverage for my remaining trip and a new tire to bless the right rear of my Tahoe that will likely be sitting for a few months.

    What can I say folks: "A day in the life...."

    I am just glad the women weren't with me when the tire blew. I hate screaming! I myself and my little brother can't scream. It's some sort of DNA thing. We just kind of groan. We were no fun to scare as kids.

    I didn't scream. I was too busy.

    I'm still too busy and it's 2:13 CDT which is about 3:13 EDT about time for the CONE to show up.

    So I am going to try to sleep. or pretend I'm sleeping.
    ...
  6. Landfall2004's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by NavarreMark
    Blow outs suck.

    I know what you mean about not being able to scream. I tend to go "Whoa" or "Oh ****", but I never scream.

    Same goes for crying. My Dad trained me not to when I was a kid and it took. He would beat the crap out of me if I cried and keep on beating the crap out of me until I stopped, so at a young age I developed the ability to suppress the urge to cry and after awhile I forgot how to do it completely.

    I thought he was abusing me at the time and some would say he was. When I was older he told me that he did it as part of my education. He was a Marine Corp Gunnery Sareant and things like that were important to him. He said that he assumed I would be in charge of other folks at some point in my life and that it was important for a leader to never cry or show panic in any way. He said that he knew I would go through hardships when I got older and when the **** hit the fan and things seemed bleak people would look to me for leadership and if I showed any weakness the people under me would begin to panic and according to him things would get really bad and out of control really quick if that happened.

    At the time he told me this I had already been through the **** and I knew what he said was true.

    It's probably not a socially acceptable way to raise your kids these days, but that's just the way it was and I'm glad he did.

    The only time I ever saw my father cry was at Chesty Pullers funeral. I think he was the only hero my father ever had. He truly loved that man. He was in a Navy hospital in CA recovering from wounds at the time and I was living in CA recently discharged so at his request I took him to the funeral. Watching him cry was a terrible thing for me and it shook me to my bones. It was a horrible thing to see.
    ...
  7. Landfall2004's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by KanKunKid
    Well, for those keeping score: I made it home in one piece. 2 new tires grace the back axle and now I have Korean tires on the front Hankook, and Japanese tires on the back Yokohamas. I keep wanting to turn in at sushi restaurants.

    Fortunately for me I have lots of experience in skid pad driving and real time hazardous driving experience in much larger and smaller vehicles. It paid off. I could tell you about it, but it's all in the brochure.

    I don't cry per se. My Dad was like Marks, except he was in the cadre and a corporal who trained the others to shoot because he was very good at it, he was tough on the soldiers and was tough on us boys. If we would have had just Juan sister, he would have been disarmed. But we didn't and he wasn't and we were treated like soldiers and he kind of expected us to cry when he inflicted the pain. I truly believe that he thought we cried from remorse rather from whatever deed brought on the punishment, but no, it was the pain and humiliation, etc.

    But after the corporal punishment ended or rather, ran its course when I was about 16, I had no reason to cry and so I didn't for many years.
    When my son passed away, I made up for lost time.
    But I will never break down unless I am in private, although my eyes may leak a little when emotion plays dirty. So no Juan will ever see me cry.
    As I get older, it is more difficult to keep the eyes from leaking when my emotions have me in a head lock.

    I can honestly say that Bob Marley's song never applied to me in either case: "No woman no cry." I may get angry and scowl, but women come and then they go. Why waste tears on someJuan who isn't worth it?

    Now I am settling in for a night of .....

    !@#% tax return compilation!!!

    I hope every Juan has a good evening and you may well contemplate the fortune that has granted you the state of being you, instead of me!
    ...
  8. Landfall2004's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by NavarreMark
    The Rocky Mountains are named the Rocky Mountains for a very simple reason. They are very rocky. Having spent most of my life living in that region I can tell you that if you get off of the maintained roads the sharp rocks you will be driving on can shred tires like cheese in a cheese grater. I bought a new 4X4 years ago. It came from the factory with Goodyears. Within 2 weeks I had shredded 3 of them. I replaced them with Michelins and they lasted about the same length of time. That's just an example of what I dealt with. After much experimentation I now use Bridgestone Duelers exlusively. The 11 ply version. They are not cheap, but in the long run they will save you money and aggravation. With those I've never had a failure or puncture no matter what conditions I drove on. Sharp rocks and nails cringe in fear when they see me coming.
    ...
  9. Landfall2004's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by KanKunKid
    I concur.

    But the Rockies are not the only tire hazard to be dealt with out west (west of me, which is due west if you do west) Arkansas road destruction is a prime way to inflict deep wounds into a 4 ply tire. They don't give you a whole lane to drive in, so you can't swerve to miss the bits and pieces of rebar and whatever else they fail to sweep up from their demolition. Naturally, according to Sir Isaac Newton who invented fig bars, "No 2 objects can occupy the same space at the same time." So, sooner or later, something will end up poking into your car's tires. The tire of mine that exploded did not carry the projectile or statjectile with it. It was a stab wound. The equation for a blow out is that air pressure gets low and the sidewalls of the tire begins to heat up because it is constantly being forced to stretch and bend beyond the limits of its operating capacity. For example: You can bend a paper clip quite often and into many shapes, but if you take a paper clip and bend it in one spot quickly and as far as you can bend it in both directions, it will heat up and eventually break. This is similar to what happens to a tire when the pressure is too low. The air inside is heated and expands the tire and the rubber that has been flexing too much becomes weak and at a certain point, it blows out, usually around the sidewall area. Tires that are old or have been sitting are especially prone to blow outs, such as camper or trailer tires.

    Someone finally changed the sign that says "Hit a worker $10,000 fine." I'm not sure why, but maybe there were some bar fights where a road worker dared someone to hit him.
    Now it says something different that isn't as ambiguous and bombastic.
    They have changed the "don't text and drive" warning too in some places.
    I find that texting while driving is something most people cannot do safely while driving, whereas there are people who can do it along with many other things. Some people should not be driving while driving, let alone any other activity that may distract them from that.
    Trying to get people to evaluate their own abilities and judge themselves as unworthy or incapable, is something that will take more than a sign. People drank and drove and drank while they were driving for decades before they finally cracked down on it. I know an old farmer who took his crop to market about an hour away and drank a beer on the way home. He did it for years and he is still doing it. He has never had a wreck or a ticket or even spilled his beer. He is home by the time that small amount affected his system and as big as he was, the effect was minute or nil. But somebody passed a law that turned an honest man into a criminal.

    That's my take on things.

    I was talking to a nice lady at the hotel while waiting for the Uber. Everything was fine until she asked what I thought about Trump.

    I tried to be non committal, vague and ambiguous and my opening remark was designed to help me ascertain which side of the creek she stood on, a throwing of a hat into a room like they did in the old west to see if someone shot at it.
    Any positive remark that she gleaned from my ph balanced comment was taken as ammo and used to lambast him as if he should be behind bars. She attacked him in every way possible and especially his personal lifestyle and that supposedly his wife doesn't want to live in the White House. [To be honest, I could care less. I don't think the USA will fold up and die because of that] I very tactfully reminded her that many in the country bought in to what he said during his campaign and that he is trying to do some of those things. But even though he is the president, he still has to go through congress to get things done and he also has advisors that he has surrounded himself with to help him make decisions and make games plans with. She went on berating Trump as if I had said nothing until the Uber came and I had to excuse myself.
    She had been divorced for 10 years and never wanted to marry again.
    That explained a lot.
    Single men everywhere should be thankful!

    Overcast here, rain showers occasionally pass, 80s.
    Another crappy day in Tennessee.

    My neighbor heard I was going to Colorado next week and he wants me to buy something they sell legally there and bring it back for him.
    What a maroon!
    ...
    Back to my 1040...after another cup of coffee. My body and brain thinks it's still on the west coast.
    ...
  10. Landfall2004's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by KanKunKid
    I WAS supposed to be an English major, straight As in grammar and Lit. My guidance counselor held out the promise that I would be a great journalist. When he found out I didn't go that direction, he turned to drink. He was a nice guy too, but a little too high strung to be a high school guidance counselor, in my opinion. My brain automatically sees when something doesn't look or sound right or is not spelled right, I can't help it! But I will let a typo slide every Juance in awhile.
    I worked as a paralegal Juan time. I was praised for my grammatically and perfectly spelled documents. Although the user of them lost their farm, they had no excuse not to know exactly why. I wanted to study Law and become an attorney, but I have few friends the way it is and the people who don't like me, well, at least they don't shoot at me.....often.
    My English teachers loved me, my math teachers hated me. Of course I read since I was 5 and have probably read 1000 books by the time I was out of high school, mostly in math class! But later in life, the seeds sown in math class took root and I was able to recall and use pythagorean theorem and how to find the hypotenuse of a right triangle which I have used numerous times in my life. But in school, Juance I learned how to count and the multiplication tables and how to divide and multiply, my interest in it dropped to zero. Algebra was a waste in school and so was advanced math like trig and calculus (which I had to learn to home school my oldest) But later in life when I saw the value of it, I picked it up like I always had it. For example, writing basic computer code. I thank the teachers who made the class interesting and showed the practical value of what they were teaching in a down-to-earth way. "You'll need to know this if you want to become an astronaut!" fell on deaf ears, except Tommy, who later became a stoner. If the teacher said, "you'll need to know this if you want to become a rock star or a pimp or a wife of a rich man or a DJ or whatever ambition filled the hearts of the young, inexperienced lads and lasses with out of control hormones, perhaps the subject would have been devoured more readily.
    My English "gift" also helps me learn other languages and appreciate languages such as Russian and its Cyrillic, which has rules that apply to it that are not as bendable as English.
    Just in my few years on this earth, I have seen words whose spelling was accepted and/or pronunciation accepted only a certain way. But thanks to slovenly speech and spelling, slang, ebonics and poor fitting dentures, words are crushed, mangled, misspelled, mispronounced, and generally challenge the educated hearer to understand the spoken or written word.
    So even though I sometimes wince at what I hear or read, I try not to be too critical. After all, there are a lot of maroons out there. I myself when writing here drop many of the grammatical rules and write semi informal, as Juan would when writing a personal letter. Punctuation and word choice as well as sentence structure all work for the effect I want to give. You can't always follow the rules. A good writer knows when to follow them and when to ignore them.

    Well I did my taxes, paid more than I thought I was going to by a lot. So I feel like some Juan has drained the blood out of my body, like the IRS will drain my bank account. I wasn't allowed all the deductions for some reason. I couldn't even deduct myself. I should have kept a kid around...
    But what is done is done. I needed to show enough income to import a Filipina so I could not use all of my deductions.

    So now I am going to enjoy a few days of vacation, ramen noodles and water
    (tap water) and hope some bill doesn't come due...

    It's cloudy and calm, low 80's big puffy clouds blocking the sun and in between a slate blue sky. Blossoms are out and the ants are in.
    I am out of pesticide so the war will be Man to ant. Juan on Juan.
    The ants will win. I know it, they know it. I am leaving soon to go back to Colorado. When I get back, I will bring the rain. (not 120mm sabot rounds) trust me, ants.......will die! ***evil maniacal laughter**
    Till then, I await more excitement in the form of tropical or severe weather mischief!
    Hi Lib!
    ...
  11. Landfall2004's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by KanKunKid
    Yes my course of reckless abandon has kept the planners of ill winds on their toes. Juan cannot easily plan mischief on the mischievous , as they have a tendancy to cancel each other out.

    Having been a victim of dating and/or courting later in life, I must admit that therin lies a danger which can only lead to sorry and a waste of time, energy, emotions and the green stuff. If you find some Juan you like and become freinds, when you come to the realization that you shouldn't marry, the whole relationship goes out: baby, bathwater and all! Now the person you have talked to every night for the last few months is now out of your life and leaves a big hole in your social agenda. Sometimes even older Juans will mistake love for loneliness and continue in a wrong or unhealthy relationship for that very reason and then they are even more unhappy to find out that their "Harpy" or "Bum" isn't the soul mate they have been dreaming about. I think you truly don't learn to hate some Juan until you are over 30.
    Anyway, Some just luck out, and attribute their success to their own abiities or personality. Meanwhile their mate is only puttiing up with their sh** because they don't want to be single at an advanced age.

    And then there are the kids to consider...

    I had to go to another country..

    Anyway...
    I can't comment further, I've said too much already.
    ...
  12. Landfall2004's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by KanKunKid
    Yes, Cos is an fine example of reporting on the spot, no matter what spot it is.
    The mini sombrero has always been holding more than it portends by it innocuous appearance.

    I was Juance going to make a alter ego for the blog named "Effect" so I could team up with Cos. But I never really thought it through..
    However, if you know Cos and Effect, you have the answer to almost anything.
    But it would have been a Juan time gag, and then that would have been it.

    That's just not my style and it would have dragged Cos down with it. (blog opinion can be brutal sometimes)
    So, I refrained and left well enough alone.
    But I still admire Cos. Most people don't know this, but he is a wise man and a sage. Don't let the 4" sombrero fool you.
    A college professor has nothing over him.
    ...
  13. Landfall2004's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by KanKunKid
    Good morning Dr Mark and everyJuan,

    My weather has changed, the rain has stopped after dumping several inches, the rain data has been skewed as my TCRG has been been compromised by actual trash, further ruined by the lid covering it, so I have to take the establishment pukes word for how much rain fell, which is about 4 inches ( Cos perks up!) But that wasn't here, it was nearby and I think probably skewed. It is the town at the end of the valley the hill I am on overlooks. As I overlooked at times, that end of the valley was dry while I was being gully-washed! (I would have emptied the TCRG but when the first storms came, the winds would have not only toppled the TCRG, but sent it to the woods line to rest against brambles and brush and stuck inside a thorny underbrush. Not only that but, the T for trash (bag) would have been opened by the local dog, cat, racoon, possum or whatever animal has been doing it and then spreading it all over the yard. I don't know why they insist on doing it. It is as if they are having a contest of sorts among themselves to see how far they can spread the most amount from the torn trash bag. Then I have to clean it up. The neighbor who has the dog that has been caught red handed (or red pawed) told me so himself and I believe him because he is big and scary and has a 12 gauge shotgun. I was going to sneak up there and pretend I was a dog and do what his dog did to my trash, but I DID mention he had a shotgun, I saw it there in his hands. It looked loaded and well used...But just for the record, I am not intimidated by shotguns. No! It is the little pellets that come flying out of them that affect me better judgement.
    My better judgement is why the trash was in the TCRG. You can make fun of me and call me the word that I can't write here which is NOT always a bad word (Starts with a "P" and ends in "Y" and has USS in the middle) but I have had some experience with taking on a few pellets of small shot and I didn't like it, nobody does.
    So the exact amount that fell here is and I believe will always be, a mystery.
    But it did not fall without effect. Looking out, the grass and weeds (they grow together here) on the hill had just been mowed, now it looks like they haven't been mowed, ever! The leaves on the trees have now blossomed out and blocked the view of the valley and the pretty white flowery blossoms of the tree outside my window were almost all knocked down to the ground by the violent rain! So now the color green has taken over, a yellowish green at that, you know, that color in the Crayola 64 crayon box next to green that you never used when you were young and then later as you got older and drew puke, that was the color you chose to color it.
    The sky has a broken overcast now with patches of blue over the town that is now getting sun that got 4" .


    I have no trouble in training my safe!

    STAY safe!! That's a GOOD BOY!!!!


    I am getting the delay from going to Colorado now. So stay tuned.
    ...
  14. Landfall2004's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by KanKunKid
    You are on the list for it.

    Funny, (funny=strange , not ha ha, or maybe ha ha too!) I was in Spartanburg for almost a month and a half and I actually had to go to Greenville when I was there.

    But, I didn't see you anywhere!

    Just an FYI, drops of water have friends, they come in bunches, or gaggles (no, that's geese) I would say torrents, but that is what rain turns into when it gathers up and goes down an incline or a window, which is better defined as a rivulet.
    English is so weird. Although one drop of rain is considered rain, it takes a lot of it for it to be said to be raining. To say a hard and heavy rain is "torrential" is inaccurate. It describes what rain CAN become after it hits the earth on ground that is not level. If it lands in a lake it does not become a torrent, if it hits level ground, it may become a puddle or dissipate in all directions becoming a flood or flooding which is a covering of the ground by water by accumulation.
    So often rain is referred to by its state of being after it lands, a reference often given to living beings more as a prophecy or prediction rather than the result of a form.

    Rain is the plural for of the description of several water droplets falling from the sky or more accurately, from a cloud which contains moisture. In this form it is a noun, but rain can also be a verb.

    If your son is a prankster (or daughter) and she gets the garden hose and as you come out of the house, he or she allows water from the hose to come down on you, she is making water rain down on you, but even though water is raining down on you (rain is always coming down when on earth) it isn't raining and it isn't rain, it is (As you so adroitly surmised) liquid water.

    I admire your wit LC for using such a tactically innocent statement to show your depth of knowledge in the area of rain and precipitation. Yet you cover your legal arse by the non-comittal phrase "What appears to be" a phrase used by the best legal counselors of all time. It is right up there with "alleged." It allows you to say something accusatory in its essence, but without being held responsible for saying it. It is like a toy is introduced to the mind and allows it to be played with without actually endowing ownership of the toy to the mind.

    I stand in awe.
    ...
  15. Landfall2004's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by KanKunKid
    It's the pattern.
    We went from 50's to 80's daze of showers, now sunny hot.
    It was nice not having to run the A/C .

    It was so quiet. I could hear a faint sound of the wind stirring the new leaves around, the lonely echo of a distant engine brake going down the grade into the lake bridge cut out of the rocky hill, like a transformer farting as it slides down a kids slide at a playground in a surreal scene on a distant planet.
    I could hear the pitter patter of mice feet running to and fro on the floor of the hidden recesses of the kitchen and gnawing away at the insulation to make a nice nest so they can jump on top of the counter where I prepare my food and hump away to make more mice to invade my place and poop little turds everywhere they have been.
    Then finally, when they are exhausted and hungry, they smell the peanut butter I left for them and they cautiously approach and nibble away on it until they bite too hard and the trap is triggered and it SNAPS with decisiveness and ends the meal. I feel no remorse as these destructive constantly pooping critters, will stroll right by a fallen comrade without so much as a "howdy do" a former brother, sister, mother, father, cousin and/or lover. They proceed into the danger zone and want to set up a house there and raise of family.
    Oh yes. On a quiet night I can hear them.
    They are fast and tricky, they cannot be caught by human hands in a fair battle. A cat with good mouse skills can usually end up with several kills, but some cats, spoiled as they are, knowing you want them to catch the mice, refuse to do so, like when you ask your wife to put on some negligee you just bought. And for reasons known only to them, will refuse to do so indefinitely.
    But lying there in bed and listening the sounds of the night, my unseen battle with victory assured is won with a single SNAP!
    The war goes on when a new batch finds the hole that the others have found. Some day I may find it and seal it off, Lord knows I have been trying.
    But till then, they have their speed and ability to evade and hide. I have my cleverness and wit....and 2 dozen mouse traps I bought on sale...and more importantly, Jif. Yes, since it is their last meal, it should be the best quality, after all, I am NOT a barbarian. A cat would offer nothing, no snack, no last drink, no quarter. Just one last game of "chew toy."

    So between the transformer farts, humping mice and executions, all is quiet.

    It's the little things in life...
    ...
  16. Landfall2004's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by KanKunKid
    It's a (something-ed) up spring all right!
    I run my heater at night and a/c the next day..
    Then it rains again..
    I can't complain, but sometimes I still do, life's been good to me so far...
    Another big system is headed my way and also for every juan NOT in the Sunshine State, Hawaii, Alaska (Which is why why Levi is able to give such good forecasts and those tid bits, he isn't running for shelter all the time!) and of course, as always, States west of the Rockies and Puerto rico and Guam. I really don't need this system to come and I asked it kindly to disperse. It has steadfastly refused. It doesn't talk back or get DUIs nor does it do itself in or get severe depression. As is the case with any force of nature, it does it's thing and watches as mankind gets into trouble because of it, kind of like sexual desire. Think of how peaceful life would be without that. Of course we would likely have ended as a species years ago except for some forward looking people who decided to continue to populate the planet.
    And so it is with other forces of nature. In the long run, it is probably beneficial, except for hail and tornadoes, the jury is still out on that. But, I seriously doubt that, if a way was found to kill a tornado, some tree hugging nature lover (no offense) would place themselves between the tornado gun and the tornado. Of course I could be wrong, I was wrong Juance before. OK, twice.
    So just like when other forces of nature rear their ugly heads, I hide. There is no shame in hiding. I also hide my cars from hail. I'd rather not go into what I do to hide from sexual desire, you can thank me later for that. But I am getting married (again) so it may not be an issue, at least on my end.
    Storms are coming, prices are rising, paychecks are not, kids are getting brattier, crooks are getting bolder, tomatoes have less tomato flavor all the time and meat doesn't taste real and chicken is rubbery.
    The neighbor and his dog has less respect for you and your property and the repair you did last summer needs repaired again.

    The power is out and you're out of hooch.

    My advice?
    Duck and cover folks, Duck and cover.

    PS. I will cover the latest selfie phenomenon known as "Duck face" in my next intriguing installment right here on the Bunker.
    Stay tuned!
    ...
  17. Landfall2004's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by KanKunKid
    I never thought the "Dr Suess, Scrambled Green eggs and Ham" graphic looked good either.
    Quote Originally Posted by NavarreMark
    I do so like green eggs and ham. Thank you. Thank you, Dr. Kid-I-am.
    Quote Originally Posted by KanKunKid
    But do you like them on a bus? Or just around the rest of us? Do you like them in the air? Or standing in your underwear? Do you like them with a goat? Or sitting in a leaky boat? Do you like them on a blog? Do you like them in a fog? Would you eat them in a plane? Could you, would you, in the rain? Do you really give a damn, about those ****** green eggs and ham?
    ...
  18. Landfall2004's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by KanKunKid
    Very well written.

    20 HZ? You didn't mention how many phases it was using but, I would be looking at a total replacement. The parts for both motors and generators has got to be hard to find and/or expensive and undoubtedly, someone in particular is the lone $upplier...

    I would get rid of all of it and get some 480 3 phase semi truck sized generators and start putting in some modern inverter controlled motors. that's going to set back the budget a few million, but if it were the feds, they would issue every Juan a "Homer" bucket and tell them to start bailing when the water gets high. It's a cheap solution, it wont work, but it's a solution, not to the problem, but to the politician's problem, often the 2 are mixed up, mostly by the politicians.

    Of course they could just give up and make it "The Venice of the South." Turn the streets into canals. I mean, on purpose.


    The rule is about drinking some Juan else's hooch that they have set aside for themselves, especially when that Juan is a female and a spouse. I ran out of cheap Brandy. I will probably stay run out of it for awhile, it's some rot-gut nasty stuff. But the folks here will drink anything. Sometimes it is so nasty, they will pour pepsi in it and drink it. They are all small people and 3 drinks and they are all toasted. They count drinks too. That's how they know they are toasted, it doesn't matter anyway, after 3 drinks they can't count any more anyway. 3 drinks for me is just getting started. So they accuse me of being drunk all the time, when I barely have a buzz, because of their counting method. I drink for the flavor not for the buzz, yeah, I'm weird. Now that I am watching my sugar level, I rarely drink, so when I do, it better taste good. The Rum isn't really nasty, it just has a generic rum flavor, like the cheap rum they sell in Mexico or in plain labels on the bottom shelf at the liquor store for $6.99 for 750ml. They have sugar cane here and so some of the rum is made locally, but that isn't a good thing methinks. I've never been much a rum drinker except in mixed boat drinks. I like Myers rum and some of the finer rums like Bacardi, Kraken, Mount Gay, and a couple of others like Captain Morgan's which can be pretty good mixed. But, I still prefer Whiskey as a drink of choice if offered a choice. I will not drink Gin straight no matter how good and Vodka straight only if it is top shelf stuff and cold.
    But, I don't like someone to drink my last bottle of hooch, so, I return the favor and leave others' bottles be. There has to be respect in the drinking community at large or we will have chaos. However, a person must lay a prior claim before a reservation can made, otherwise, if it is in my cabinet or fridge, it is free game!
    ...
  19. Landfall2004's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by KanKunKid
    I don't know, my neighbor usually skypes me when sometthing serious happens. I live on the NE side of a hill, with a big valley laid out downhill from me for about 20 miles. Tornadoes don't like hills. They like valleys and flat land, like where trailer parks sit.
    Other than that, Some big trees might fall down and do something unpleasant. But I'm up pretty high so flooding isn't an issue. I'm relatively free from the threat of Haboobs too. I should be careful mentioning Haboobs, it might trigger Jeff's PTSS. You see, once on a family outing in Destin Beach on the beach, the sky darkened and the winds began to blow. Soon sand and lawn chairs, beach blankets and bikini tops were flying through the air. Someone shouted Haboob! and it all came back, Desert Storm! They found Jeff curled up in the fetal position on the side of the snack bar, mumbling to himself and blowing spit bubbles. He was out of Shady Acres in a few days, back to normal. But his friends were advised to never mention "B***ie" or "Haboob!" again within earshot as it may trigger an episode.
    But Juan may mention DMOH to Juan's hearts content and he will not be phased.
    It is said that he was never in "Desert Storm" but they also said he wasn't in the CIA either..we all know THAT isn't true.(Or was it NSA? NASA? NAACP? NAFTA? ASPCA? NRA? NHRA? NASCAR? one of those maybe?)

    The event was later classified by the NWS as a "Dust Devil" or "Wind devil." But when wind blows sand so hard you can't see, it's technically a "Haboob" but just about as much as a dust devil is a tornado.

    Some rumors have it that the above mentioned incident was the reason behind moving to Colorado, where a Haboob has never occurred and where "B***ie" like conditions have never existed.

    We will probably never know. It's classified.
    ...
  20. Landfall2004's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by KanKunKid
    Ah, the old "headless ballet stick figure" graphic. Phrenologists need not apply. I am going to have to go ahead and interpret this graphic as good news! Although the form is indeed "off." as the figure is apparently a male dancer with the quintessential natural "bulge." However, the arms displayed in such a manner can be misconstrued as a ground crew for a helicopter attempting to assist a helicopter while it is landing by giving it the accepted signal, which, in this case, is a "Wave Off" meaning "Danger, do not land here!."
    since we do not know where "here" is, we may optimistically decide that it is elsewhere and be happy that some Juan else will feel the wrath of the IB*****. Conversely, "here" could mean there, where you are as in the answer to the question asked in the dark or by a blind person: "where are you?" You answer "I am here!" So, do not land the helicopter here! Or does the helicopter landing mean help? Or does it symbolize (by the helical wind producing action of the 'copter's rotors) the IB*****?
    We may never know. Yet, it could be something entirely different, or similar, but with mustard instead of catsup, coupe instead of sedan or thigh high instead of panty. It is up to the readers discretion. Or perhaps, nothing like that at all!
    Mark was bold and yet capricious enough to offer such a graphic without an explanation, leaving us to study on our own.
    But he always was a trend setter.
    Well played sir! Well played.
    Updated 09-05-2017 at 03:07 PM by Landfall2004
  21. Landfall2004's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by KanKunKid
    Finally! ***panting***

    I finally caught up! ***whew!***

    I had to read back like 8 pages!


    I have a permit for that!




    It was good to see the digital manifestations of Geep and Bobintampa (Sorry, but Tampa is DOOM!)

    Every Juan is turning out for the hype event of the Season, of the last several seasons actually! We didn't really need to hype Harvey, but he was not a violent windy storm, he was a cry-baby, bed wetter.
    The IB may actually be roof ripper, and a general all around R.I.P. er for those not acting with discretion.

    So I will reiterate for those who are just tuning in or those with a learning disability:

    Don't Stay safe, Don't Be safe, Get Smart, Get Out and Get safe. Once you get safe and you are safe, you can stay safe, be safe, play tiddlywinks with safe for all I care.
    For those who will take too long to get smart: Just get out, trust me. I hope you are still around to argue with me if I am wrong. If you decide to stay, write your name, age and address and SSN on your belly with a bic pen. Write small, because when you are dead, your belly will swell up several times it's size and if you write too big, they will think it is a stupid tattoo and throw you face down in the wagon and put a flag in your butt sticking out that says "unknown."
    If you are still partially alive, and they read your bic pen scrawling, at least they can call you by name, unless you get this crew:



    Just remember, if they find you, don't keep saying: "I feel HAPPY!"

    Better yet, just get while the gettin' is good!

    See Hurricanes are like steam rollers, they aren't all that fast, but if you encounter Juan, you will be the worse for it. But, because they are slow, you can easily be lulled into a sense of complacency (which is hard to spell right the first time) and the next thing you know, it is behind you pinching your ass.
    So don't wait, avoid the rush. leave now while you can still get a hotel room at Dollywood.

    We're here to save lives, and exercise our God given (but sometimes medically restricted) right to implement option #2 protocol.
    And as Jeff said, engage in some non sequitur (and sequitur) literary exchanges while dabbling to some degree in Tropical and other weather phenomenon discussion and education.

    When you leave here, you should leave with a smile on your face, no matter WHO you are!

    ...
  22. Landfall2004's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by KanKunKid
    God Mawnin!

    Yes, some of the original cast members are showing up. I did time with some of them in "Shelbyville's prison and institution for the criminally comedic and irreverent."

    As a suggestion for those wishing to pin point the IB, use Google Earth with the weather overlay and it will show her position and you can zoom in and see what is under it. It doesn't show bands or MBs just a cloud and the central accepted position at it's center.

    If I were there, I would probably not be afraid at all, well no more than any man with nerves of steel and adult diapers!

    I wish to also squelch some misinformation: As you all know, the food (or something, the food is most suspect.) here in the Philippines has occasionally given me the "green apple quickstep" the "Hershey squirts" and other polite names for diarrhea. I sleep on a foam rubber mattress on a tiled floor, (It's the luxury suite) and to go to the bathroom, a mere 16 steps away, I must first secure from the horizontal to the vertical position. As most doctors and laymen and campers know, getting up off the ground puts a severe strain on juans sphincter, the juan holding back the floods of fecal matter. So, if juan survives that experience, juan may quickly make for the potty and have release.
    However, if the situation arises where, upon awakening, the pressure is already too great to attempt verticalization, what should juan do?
    I was advised from a "trusted source" that the best solution is to give Juan's self a wedgie, thus restricting the output of an overloaded sphincter and allowing for verticalization and an awkward, but successful amble to the potty!
    On lab tests, and practical experimentation, I will have to pronounce this solution as a "Fail." The initial wedgie (if tight enough) will hold temporarily, however, when juan attempts verticalization, the legs seem to allow for an unacceptable amount of leakage in the form of a spray, similar to when places juan's thimb over the end of a garden hose, it does not always contain the flow. Not only that, but the front part of the wedgie on male subjects "bagged" them severely and caused quite a bit of pain and for awhile a high pitched voice which uttered curses mostly and profanity and a few scattered threats. Some cried and wet themselves. This was an unexpected and unacceptable side affect of the experiment which pretty much assured us of a low number of repeat test subjects. The majority of female test subjects did not have a sufficient underwear cross section at the appropriate location and the scientist had to disqualify them. But the general consensus is that the thin fabric may whistle "but in the end would not block a thing." (sic)
    In like manner, the "spray" was monitored and was originally seen in 3 vectors, but because of the "fan" shape of the spray, the data was a bit skewed. But it also broke down how difficult it is to stand from a prone position. To graph this movement and get a scientific view of it for analysis, a laser was mounted over the sphincter (disarmed of course, no ammo) and the end result looked like a spirograph which is close to the shrapnel pattern we found and had to clean up. (We meaning I, my assistant quit at this part of the test.)
    In conclusion we can say that a self wedgie is not an effective blocking agent for the "squirts."
    Other tests concluded that an adult diaper, double bagged will normally produce acceptable results. Continuing to lie down while filling the diapers is contraindicated however as there seems to be a leak in the spine/tail bone area. The diapers were designed to work on standing, sitting or walking subjects.

    I am happy to share this intense scientific study with my fellow Bunkerettes and ites. Hopefully, this will help others not to fall for the same cockeyed information that I received.

    Another misconception about adult diapers: You do not have to need to use them, to use them. They come in handy for watching movies all the way through, road trips, dates (especially after eating mexican food), classrooms, riding with a bad driver, roller coasters and other amusement park rides and other times when you just feel lazy.

    I hope you can study this and take your mind off the IB for a few minutes.

    I was going to say they are good for evacuations, but then I would be repeating myself!

    ...
  23. Landfall2004's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by KanKunKid
    Good morning from the Bunker WesPac station in Leyte Philippines! Maypay nga aga!

    So the IB lost the tug of war with the front from the west and made a liar out of a bunch of models except the CLP5 which is the smart aleck incorrigible kid in class model. It will say anything just to be different...

    But ending up in TN Western KY or the Outer Banks is quite a different scenario.

    The keepers of the models should be taking out their little screwdrivers and tweaking the potentiometers, adding a (A+B (-C/E+F-.006) + X=H) to a program line or 2 or the equivalent of holding the puppy's nose in the pile of poo it just laid on the floor and saying "That a BAD puppy! NO NO NO!!! No poo on the kitchen floor!"

    But they are probably more like the tennis player who misses a volley, loses a point and grins sheepishly and blames the better skill of the opposing player..

    I guess we will see which front wins, east or west? Does the remnants of IB exit west through Tampa or east through Daytona.

    As a minimal hurricane at that point, it will be weeding out the weak structures and trees and of course mobile home parks.

    As Mark knows, if the Cell tower fell down North of Naples, it wasn't because the winds were all that strong as in FL they are built and engineered to withstand at least 150 MPH winds even with antennas and feed lines and lighting sticking out. So, maybe it was not a Cell tower but a privately owned tower where the owners overloaded it or maybe something hit it. If it was a guyed tower, it is possible that a guy wire broke. Shint happens.

    At least it was not a CAT 5 and the smug rico hombres in Marco may have to spend some of their savings to fix their dock or boat or swimming pool cage and then try to sue somebody to offset their expense. It's the SOP for Marco.
    1. Damage done. call insurance company, not covered you were too cheap and canceled THAT coverage in 2007.
    2. Piss and moan about it.
    3. Get estimate for repair.
    4. Piss and moan about the estimate being too high.
    5. Bend every Juan's ear that is known to you to complain about it.
    6. Hire the work done.
    7. Piss and moan about the inconvenience.
    8. Pay the Bill.
    9..Piss and moan about the Bill.
    10. Piss and moan about the quality of the work compared to what it used to be and what it originally cost.
    11. #5 again
    12. Sit and stew and fester and get mad about it.
    13. Walk around and take pictures of the neighbor's yard, his boat dock, flotsam in the water anything else that pisses you off and the sun bathing lady on the dock across the canal.
    14. Call your attorney who, upon finding out who you are, says "Now what?"
    15. Get quote for retainer.
    16. Piss and moan about the price of the retainer.
    17. #5 again for the next 6 months and to the point where your friends and acquaintances and relatives avoid you and causes you to be particularly poignant and forceful when you do find an unwilling victim who is cornered and subjected to garlic and bad teeth odor and they turn their head this way and that trying to find fresh unspoilt air and trying to dodge small bits of spittle issuing forth from that crusty lipped mouth! After they leave (cursing their bad luck by running into you) you feel a slight bit of relief, but it is short lived because your life centers around money, so you make a decision.
    18. You pay the retainer and sue your neighbor.
    19. Your neighbor tries to negotiate and points out that it was the hurricane that caused the damage, not negligence on his part and if you go to court, you wont win.
    20. #5 if you can corner an unsuspecting victim (mailman)
    21. You go to Court.
    22. Your attorney is good and it takes a bit more time than he figured but the judge makes the neighbor pay $500. But after court costs and attorney fees (counting that extra 30 minutes for the "victorious judgement") you pay $5K. The $500 is a drop in a bucket. And now you have succeeded in making an enemy of your neighbor.
    23. Piss and moan and a limited #5
    24. You come home to find your pool screen slashed, your 750i keyed and a load of fresh doggy poo sitting steaming on your front porch.
    25 Piss and moan, #5 for the next 10 years or until the next hurricane comes.

    But that's just Marco and Naples except for Golden Gate. In Golden Gate if they need to repair something, they will either steal what they need or steal something and fence it for money to fix the damage. If it isn't that bad (hole in ceiling, water pouring in) they will steal some option #2 supplies and continue living normally as if nothing happened.

    It's pretty much the same as Marco for Bonita and right up to Ft Myers.
    It's different in Immokalee. The Mexicans there just pick up their scattered stuff, light a fire and cook some tortillas and beans and sit around re enacting the farting around the campfire scene in "Blazing Saddles" (only in Spanish) and complain about the damage and say "No existe en Mexico, si, esta problema existe solo en un Estadas Unidos!"

    In Sebring, the retirees just wander around looking at their once $200K motor home now in flinders, and keep saying "SH*T!" and kicking stuff and then muttering to their neighbors, "We put up with this hell hole so this wouldn't happen." More cursing and shaking fist at the sky. The timid little wife comes by and tugs at his hand and says "Honey, this is a good thing, this wont happen again for another 12 years! All we have to do is just leave next time!"
    He tells her to put a sock in it.
    She replies: "Why didn't you listen to me when I told you that we should leave?"
    He starts to get mad. "Because the models all said it would go elsewhere!"
    "Well, you should have listened to me and not the models and we would be all right and our RV would be in one piece!"
    He gets mad and slaps her and she falls down. (Later, she testified that he beat her like a circus monkey)
    She (spurred on by a number of country songs that promote and justify excessive violence against abusive husbands) pulls out her ".22" and "busts a cap" in his ass! (left cheek to be exact)
    And the curtain is drawn on another post disaster human interest drama enacted across the state.

    O IB, what hath thou wrought? ~ Destin Jeff 1492

    It's the pattern.
    ...
  24. Landfall2004's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by KanKunKid
    Those people in Colorado would HATE the Philippines. Here it is: "Gotta go? Drop trou!" (trousers) It doesn't matter where, but they do have the decency to face away from traffic..

    Dogs poop in the yard. What are they going to do? Start arresting dogs?

    I think it is a public statement for all the businesses that put up signs "No Public Restroom" or "Restroom for Customers only!"

    When I was young and in my home state of Indiana (Yeah, I'm a displaced Hoosier) there was a State law that every business that was open to the public had to have at least one public restroom. Sometimes the owners would make it difficult for a person to use, but it was the law.
    Now, business owners gripe and complain and got the laws changed and so normal traveling people are faced with a serious physiological dilemma: "Where do you go when you gotta take a dump?" Hey! We all gotta go sometime and we can't always pick the time or place. If you have ever tried to extend the time when you are "gophering?" Ha! You may get a few minutes, but eventually, if you keep trying to extend, you will have an accident. It's not a question of "if" but a question of "when" and when you are traveling, it then becomes a question of "where."
    One female jogger answered that question and punctuated it with a piece of her....mind..

    Still, like the ever mysterious Mark. If you can't protect your property, then people will do all kinds of things on it until you go out with a gun* or in this case, perhaps a garden hose with full pressure, or a paint ball gun, nothing says "don't poop here!" like a couple of good shots to the hind quarters on bare skin with a well aimed paint ball. It may not stop the action, in fact it may speed it up quite a bit, but at least that Juan will be looking elsewhere to poo and the offender will be marked for the police to find easier.

    But maybe I am a little weird.
    I think it should be OK to use a paint ball gun to mark people that are anal orifices. So then most attorneys, bad drivers, in-laws, inconsiderate jerks and I am sure you can think of a few, would be targeted. Perhaps a person with many paint ball marks would surely have to see they need to change. You could make dates and friends with the unsullied and have at least public opinion on your side as to your choice of associates, while the Juans with several marks would be the kind you would avoid. (NOTE: Sometimes, when you are on the offensive, you may want a lawyer peppered with paint. He may still be an ***hole to you, but generally, they win in court. But they also cost the most, which earns them one or two paint balls right there. Shoot them after the win, the papers have been signed and you have paid him)

    I do not condone using a paint ball gun to enforce anything. (that's a disclaimer)

    Of course I am not Juan to judge.
    After living in 3rd world countries, you get hardened to public displays of natural biological acts, especially those necessary and urgent. We in civilized countries go in a room and lock the door and sit down and even if we were seen, there would be nothing to see. A dog, on the other hand, will sniff around and find a spot and then it squats and holds out its tail in that one certain position, kind of straight out with a little downward turn at the end and then it begins its business. On its face is a look of pure enjoyment, it never rushes or grunts or reads the paper waiting. It savors the occasion and when it is done, it may do some sort of semblance of an act of burial or covering up, but it is just a perfunctory act much like when kids wash their hands, they turn on the water, pass their fingers through the stream and turn off the water and wipe their hands on a towel or their pants (girls will often REALLY wash their hands with soap. This is significant. The rest of her life, she will doom all of the menfolk in her life that she has any influence over at all to actual soap and water hand washing. As a result, these males will often go camping and doing things outdoors and out of sight of her semi-OCD behavior. She will carry waterless hand cleaner everywhere and use it prodigiously. I was not raised by such a woman, but I have a "thing" about dirty hands so I use that stuff all the time.) I digressed and I am sorry, but it was only a parenthetical digression and Juan that can easily be excused.
    My point is, if a woman jogger wants to poop in your yard, that is between you and her. If you get the police involved then you have to deal with the law which probably is about indecent exposure. This takes more than an accusation and once the deed is done, said suspect can deny the poop is hers. then it will take DNA testing to prove it and the police will not do an expensive DNA test to prove a pooper has pooped when pooping is not illegal. It does not prove indecent exposure.
    If they want to deal with the pooping situation, then somebody with some balls (either literal or symbolic) will have to step up to the plate and start swinging. Otherwise, they will piss and moan and do nothing.
    Oh, I think in Colorado, they also have a "criminal mischief" charge that may apply, a class 3 misdemeanor. However, even then, if it goes to court, they will have to prove intent. If she says, "I didn't do it on purpose, the bran muffin made me do it.."
    Then she can't be convicted and she will walk or jog free to poop again. Most judges will be swayed by the "Bran Muffin" defense.

    In any case, weatherwise we are in a strange and unprecedented situation. The normally busy Pacific ocean is free from all tropical mischief, not even a TS Tropical Storm anywhere! But the Atlantic is busy. We should note the el nino la nina and stuff like that.
    But maybe it knocked things out of kilter, now we have big earthquakes 2 huge Juans in Mexico within a couple of months!

    This is what happens when I leave the country.

    Now Mark has disappeared and Jeff also has receded like a middle aged man's hairline and thank God we have Blakels and Cos and St Aug here and Tulsa of course along with the regulars. But our normal job of saving lives and hyping seems superfluous in view of the impending DOOM!

    I say DOOM is DOOM no matter where it hits. DOOM hitting Florida is just overdue DOOM.
    But as long as there is expensive beachfront property, there will be a penalty (besides !@@#$% property taxes) to pay and it is the DOOM of which I speak.
    Allow me to quote from Calamity 9 verse 3: "DOOM not, lest ye be DOOMED!"

    I think that sums up my offering for this morning (night there).

    *Just showing some Juan a gun can be a crime nowadays (brandishing) so getting a gun involved (firearm) can put you on the wrong side of the law and public opinion
    ...
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