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Landfall2004

THE BUNKER BARDS

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by on 04-20-2016 at 05:20 PM (7308 Views)
OK--that did it. 3K's (aka KanKunKid or Rocken Kevin) newest entry MUST be preserved for posterity.

PLEASE--ALL OF YOU--if/when you have time, go back and copy some of the 3K classics over to here. We can't afford to lose them!!!

AND PLEASE add any others you wish to preserve for posterior.

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Updated 08-28-2016 at 09:00 PM by Landfall2004

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  1. Landfall2004's Avatar
    4/20/16

    It is an interesting and yet mystifying quandary you have besot us with.
    Liquor can be licked, but it does not lick. Even liquor lit will produce flames that lick, but alas! it is the flames, not the liquor licking. Sometimes when you have partaken of liquor, you may wish to lick and if you give in to your desire to lick and there is something or someone to lick, you become a licker. But not really, because the English language does not (as yet) officially recognize the word "licker" so even if you lick, you are not a licker, merely someone who licks. If a person made a profession from licking, it would seem that it would fall under the "or" rule and that person could be referred to as a "lickor" However because of some prejudice inherent in the system, the lick would fall under the same idiomatic oddity that "Tan" falls under, where a person who tans leather was not considered a highly educated professional, and therefore no office of grandeur would be associated with his occupation and so, when he did what he did, it was only given an "E" not an "O" so he is a Tanner.
    But, You can lick liquor from your lips and lick a person who licks liquor off your lips licentiously because to lick can also mean to beat someone in a fight. (So you can lick anyone who licks you or that you lick first whether they lick you or not. Which means you can lick someone you licked or licks you if they don't lick you first unless they do, they can lick you after they lick you, but they might not like you and that is why they licked you. But, sometimes you lick someone you like or you let them lick you with out them licking you or you licking them, unless they decide to, or not)
    But except for lick and possibly a few more words, you can just add an "er" to them and make them an occupation: "Biker" "Stripper" "Worker" 'Wanderer" "Jumper" " fighter" "Shooter" " defender" You just add "ER" to the words. You can add "ER" or go to the "ER" but you can't go to the "OR" You can .ORG or Orgasm (well sometimes, or never or faked) or play an organ, sell an organ or organize which has nothing to do with an organ or a limb or a keyboard.
    So the befuddlement remains and the more you know words, the less English makes sense. That is why politicians use words. They can say one thing and mean another using the same words. We call it lying, which means to lie or not tell the truth or to have your body in a horizontal position or even to be in that same position with another person where Biblically, you "know" each other even though you may not and you can make up a story to cover your actions, so you can actually be lying with someone while lying with them and be lying with them. Or the lie could be your balls. Where they are on a golf course.
    See?
    Crazy, right?

    Now I forgot what I was going to say, but it looks like I will still end up getting a spring shower or 2 from this incoming easterly moving system. I am not going to lie, I will not take this lying down, but my strategy lies in avoiding the worst of it, by going to Ohio.

    I guess that makes me a liar! Oh, yeah, a "Liar" is one who lies. It ends in "AR" however, a person whose occupation is lying, is spelled "politician."

    But that's another post.
  2. Landfall2004's Avatar
    I posted this to the Bunkerisms blog on 10/1/14


    KanKunKid - Today 12:15 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by NavarreMark
    Thank the LORD!!!

    You don't know what a relief this is to me HCat. I was afraid that I was on the verge of causing an international incedent and wasn't even aware of it at the time.

    The time I farted on a Lufthansa flight was worse. Much worse.
    Farting on an airplane is a natural occurance as we all have a little gas manufactured in our digestive tract.
    Even though the cabin is pressurized, it isn't pressurized to sea level or even to the level of the departing airport. It is usually less than 11K ft and more than 6K. The pressurization works off of the compressor section of one of the engines. It is more economical to keep the cabin pressure higher, the passengers are more docile and even though hypoxia happens at different altitudes for different poeple, they keep the pressure at a level so that the chances of hypoxia are small.
    Here is a report about hypoxia that explains the relationship and the altitudes involved. It was written for pilots so you may have to put yourself in a pilot's shoes.
    In any case, the lower air pressure has the effect of causing the ground level gas to expand causing your intestines to "balloon" and, of course, makes you feel uncomfortable and the urge to "purge" becomes overwhelming. Only those with a Herculean sphincter can hope to contain it. Most passengers will try to visit the toilet and relieve the pressure as soon as possible, but mostly, the pressure will "bleed off" in the meantime.
    My brother and I had to return to Germany to finish a project and I sat in the middle of a 737 and he sat in the very last row in the back, by the rest room...when he sat. After dinner on this transatlantic flight, the gas build up and normal digestion created a need for folks to "purge." So, as my brother put it when recalling his experience, "They all got in line and stood there, waiting for the restroom, seeping farts..." I have never heard that expression before and his relating of it to me made me laugh out loud. He did not think it was so funny; being strapped and craning his neck and trying for all the world to make his nose a snorkel to turn his face up to the optimum level to achieve the highest elevation for his nose, the idea of it was to find some untainted air to breathe.
    When I am sitting in an airplane, usually speak with my companion and explain to him in a normal tone that the air in airplanes is recirculated because the plane is pressurized. So it is recycled through a filter, all the coughs, farts, bad breath and BO are re-issued through the vents for us to breathe again. I remind my companion that the sense of smell is sampling molecules of the actual substance we smell. This makes some people squeamish.
    It is then that I release my internal burden and I delight in the discomfort and anguish it brings to my neighbors. The expression on their faces is priceless as they face an unseen force that they are powerless to defeat.
    It works in elevators too.

    I know it makes me look bad, but basically, we all do it and our neighbors all suffer the same. I just plan it better for more effect and for more satisfaction - for me.
    Women are experts at "seeping farts." They will never consciously admit to a fart, unless they have been drinking.....a lot!
    So when they are flying, they will emit a series of well timed expulsions. That is why, sometimes, when flying, you think you smell a fart and for a second, you do. But then it seems to fade and disappear. All part of their plan, my friend. You see, a full dose would allow the source to be revealed and most women cannot avoid looking guilty when under that kind of pressure. So they time it juuuuust right and allow just a small pocket of gas to escape.

    I remember an incident such as the one Mark mentioned on an MD 11 flying from LAX to Montreal at night. A man with, what had to be, a large capacity for gas, expelled all of it 5 minutes after reaching 45K ft, our assigned cruising altitude. Fortunately, it was not during food service.
    The quality of the acrid gas was without equal and the quantity of it was sufficient to allow its effects all the way to the rear of the cabin, as evidenced by the expressions of discovery by those who experienced the aromatic assault. "Son of a B!TCH!" "WTF??" "OH! my GOD!" "Turn on the vent, turn it turn it TURN IT NOW!! TURN ON THE @#$% VENT!!!"
    I search the faces of those in my immediate area for a clue as to which lucky stiff was the culprit (I am sorry. Farting and it's effects was a sought after skill back where I was from (country, Indiana) The louder and more obnoxious it was, the better. Accolades were issued when a large number of innocent bystanders were besot by its lingering odiferous ramifications. A verbal reaction was the ultimate compliment given a fartist. However, in my lifetime, I have felt the emptiness when a grand victory has been accomplished, but no follower of fartism is present to appreciate the subtle skill and effort used in said endeavor. It is like a great artist alone on an Island full of blind people. His work is unappreciated.) to offer my congratulations, but the author was apparently skilled at Flatulentory ventriloquism. (The ability to make people believe your farts are coming from someone else, it is also called "throwing your farts").
    I'll never forget it.
    It was a Northwest flight. So I guess it wasn't Mark, but possibly, the same thing occurred on his flight.
  3. Landfall2004's Avatar
    Mark's response:

    NavarreMark - Today 01:05 PM
    Member



    It reminds me of a time when I was in downtown Denver and I was conducting some business in a high rise office building on 17th Street.

    When I concluded my business I exited the office, which was on the 39th floor, proceeded to the express elevator to the lobby. Because I was looking to clinch a deal, I had held vast amounts of gas while the meeting took place because I realized not everybody appreciated the art of fartism so by the time I entered the elevator the old pucker string was near the end of its limits.

    Fortunately the elevator was empty when I got on and it proceeded very fast to the ground floor. I took that opportunity to expell the gas that had built up over the last two hours.

    It was bad. Real bad. Was a mixture of the beer from the night before and the eggs I had for breakfast. It was so bad that I had trouble breathing and I was grateful when I made it to the ground floor and the door opened.

    I quickly exited the elevator and walked quickly away. As I did this a genteman dressed in a $2,500 suit who was accompanied by two beautiful women dressed to the nines proceeded to enter the elevator. I turned around to look just as the door was closing on them. The look on their faces was priceless. Just before the door sealed shut I heard the gentleman say:

    "He did us wrong."
  4. Landfall2004's Avatar
    Landfall2004 - 03-22-2015 04:41 PM
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    Must preserve for posterity and posterior:

    As only 3K can deliver:

    ''I have erected a new device similar to the ECF. It is called the TMF. WTF is a TMF? Well it's the Tennessee Mountain Fizzle. So far it has been 100% ineffective against front borne poor weather conditions, but with a brand new honkytonkpadonkadonkulator (only available in TN) I may have a chance to cause swervation to the incoming frontal weather systems. so far, it has kept the number of tornadoes down to a minimum and our crack staff of scientific geeks and nerds have assured me that all manner of severe weather and flooding may be altered by this device. There was a storm which did get through, but the problem was that the unit had got unplugged and a PS4 was plugged in instead. The nerd geek on duty was said to have achieved a 60 level in Minecraft while the latest storm raged all about! Since then we plugged in a plug strip and can have both plugged in AND a lamp and a phone charger at the same time."
  5. Landfall2004's Avatar
    Landfall2004 - 04-14-2015 02:46 PM
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    Cannot let this get away. Yet another jewel from 3K:

    Yes....thanks for bringing that to our attention.
    We're basically trying to save lives, but we don't want to be a d!ck about it, unlike some places we know of whose primary objective is dicketry, fame, fortune, and more dicketry. (dicketry DIK - ett - tree noun 1. The practice of being a dick or egocentric pontificating bastard with narcissism and a total lack of consideration for other people or their feelings, a person with an extreme overvaluation of self worth, a bigot, prejudicial, and an ass who foists his personality traits on others in person or in his communications with others)
    2.) The object of a denrophillic's affections.
    ("Dicketry" was first used by Trey Parker and Nancy Pimental in the "Prehistoric Ice Man episode 218 for reference where Stan referred to Cartman as a "dick" and he was tired of his "dicketry." It has become a part of mainstream language in most English speaking countries)
    We have antidicketry mechanisms in place here at the Bunker, but occasionally a "dick" will slip through the cracks and try to force themselves into our sensitive and deep conversations. We know their presence because they get pushy and try to plunge headlong into topics that they aren't familiar with and try to leave some infection in order to cause dissention in our ranks, but they usually leave as fast as they come and our walls become safe again, deep inside the Bunker.
    We are constantly trying to improve our intrusion protection and since it is for our own good, we are happy to take suggestions from anyone here as to how this may be done without impinging on the pleasure of our interactions.
  6. Landfall2004's Avatar
    Landfall2004 - 08-28-2015 01:16 PM
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    From the 3K:

    Lest we forget our role as FBMs:

    We are here to,
    1. Save lives.
    2. Make fun of Official forecasts.
    3. Make fun of Official forecasters.
    4. Make fun of other commenters (within reasonable limits)
    5. Praise Dewey.
    6. Learn something about weather and forecasting.
    7. Watch ASCAT miss.......again.
    8. Discuss scientific weather phenomenon like the the one in the Bay of Canned peaches.
    9. Make fun of places with Spanish names.
    10. Get free virtual food and virtual drinks from Aislinn and Bart.
    11. Get access to cool pictures.
    12. Discount on Cheetos and Slim Jims.
    13. Get an FBM degree.
    14. Use the FBM degree.
    15. Sell the FBM degree.
    16. Learn about Tulsa.
    17. Have someone to chat with at 3AM
    18. Enjoy humorous anecdotes and videos.
    19. Bask in the presence of a true Southern Belle, lip gloss and all!
    20. Wait for Lib to downcast and then tease her about it.
    21. Welcome newcomers....when Dewey gets that fixed.
    22. Go off topic for the hell of it.

    I'm sure there are many more, that is just a short list.
  7. Landfall2004's Avatar
    4/24/16

    I honestly can't remember a ban here.

    I remember someone being asked to leave....sort of..in a rather abrupt fashion by the Head Cheese, when he was around. Part of the problem was dragging stuff from another blog. You may know the blog of which I speak.

    If you can't post or log in, it may be that there is site trouble, but that has only happened once.

    If you post something that is unacceptable to the community at large (or at small) the most likely scenario is that the blog author may delete the post.

    If you attack other members, (which has never happened openly, but only through the private email here) it is likely that someone will send you a private message kindly telling you the error of your ways.

    We also do not demean our founder and host, Dewey, or the site.

    WE are a bunch of classy people here and we keep it light. It isn't a gossip blog nor one that is used as a platform for personal deification (make yourself a god) and lord it over the others'. (Except for Dewey, he is allowed.)
    But he doesn't stop in as often as he used to, so the rest of us who were original fugitives from what we would like to call "Shelbyville" help keep the place in order.

    Even so, it seems like the troublemakers don't like our friendly environment and soon fade away into nonpostingness (I just made that word up, it's not in the dictionary, but it should be).

    Here, if you say something a little out of place or extremely funny or a bit provacative or too sexy, the Bunker's own Church Lady association will glare at you, but you will not login at some point to find yourself inexplicably banned.

    As was mentioned by my esteemed colleagues, if you have been a bad boy (or girl) you may decided to take it upon yourself and impose a "self ban." It is a mea culpa of sorts. It shows the community that you realize your mistake and are sorry and that it may not happen again. The self ban has rules:
    If you ban yourself, you can still reply to posts.
    If you must ban yourself you must stringently adhere to the time period you have banned yourself for, unless you decide not to.
    You are not allowed to circumvent unless you have something really funny to post about it.
    If you ban yourself, you must announce it either at the beginning of the ban or the end of it. You MUST clearly state the reason for your ban. No exceptions. To ban Juans self without letting the community know why, is the same as mental masturbation, which is not allowed either. If you are caught in the above mentioned activity, you will likely be so embarrassed that you will either never do it again, or never get caught again.
    Banning yourself is ALWAYS a serious matter, except when it isn't.

    Dewey want's the site to be taken seriously as a weather site, so during weather events, we do like to keep on topic if at all possible. We enjoy discussing the more technical points of weather forecasting and other "...casting" So bear that in mind.

    ITC is the "Ban Hammer" on this blog. If necessary, it will come down and come down hard! So don't post nasty things and ITC won't have to remove them and call you naughty and the Church ladies won't have to get after you.

    So, keep these things in mind. It's always good to have someone from Texas in the "band" so have fun, be nice and you will have a long and prosperous history here.

    Use your private message tool to learn about others. Sometimes we might say something that may seem innocuous, but because of a circumstance of a poster (death in the family, divorce, sickness, OCD, big nose) you may say something that may cause pain or at least make them feel uncomfortable or be pissed off at you. So be careful, you will not get banned for it, but we will all think you are an insensitive ***** (rhymes with STICK).

    Above all, follow the advice: "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."
  8. Landfall2004's Avatar
    Oh, and Mark has a "get out of ban" pass. He has diplomatic immunity.
    I don't know where he got it, and the last people that went looking disappeared without a trace.

    So we just accept it and do as he says and that means occasionally blowing things out our ***es, which is not as bad as it sounds. Of course "breach loading" is a bit uncomfortable, but it all works out in the end, or more accurately, OUT the end.

    He is also headmaster, principal, and Dean of the College of Fake Meteorology and Hypecasting.
    It is possible to earn a degree through hard study, good grades and schmoozing.
    But mostly the degree is based on the dissertation or study which is published on the blog where the candidate shows by thesis his or her knowledge of meteorology, weather phenomenon, charts, graphs, forecasting models, blog post optimization and strategy and the ability to successfully make fun of such for the educational and/or humorous benefit of the readers, both active and lurking.

    The degrees are issued with much pomp and circumstance and the diploma is issued online of course, and is valid in any Fake Meteorological institution around the world.

    Since Mark is head of it by default, try not to piss him off.
  9. Landfall2004's Avatar
    KanKunKid - Today 12:42 PM
    Poking fun
    in all the right places
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    It appears that the good Doctor (Mark) will not be coerced into a discussion about the topographical oddities of the Bay of Canned Peachys.
    I would just allude a bit (for the sake of uninitiated) that Bart is referring to the shape of the land around the Bay of Canned Peaches in the western Gulf of MeckseeKo. It may or may not, but always has a tendency to cause minimal storms or any TC's marginal hurricanes and other weather phenomenon to ramp up to more powerful and bigger phenomenon, except on the rare occasions when it doesn't, which is more often than FBMs and NBMs (normal blog mets) discuss it. Often it is considered as a new discovery because it has been hidden for so long. It is like a secret weapon that you hid to keep the kids from playing with it and then, when under attack, you need it, but can't remember where you hid it and you have to resort to using a "super soaker" to thwart an attack. Years later, when you discover it anew while following an ant trail, you pull it out and show your guests and it accidentally goes off and instantly and painfully neuter's the neighbors dog.

    That's how it is with this phenomenon. Bringing it up may be nothing but trouble. The neighbor's dog may run and hide. It is better to let those with experience discuss it.

    However, there is nothing wrong with an ambiguous reference to it. You will gain the respect and awe of fellow blogsmen and blogsgals in the process and appear to wiser than you actually are - which will grant higher marks toward your FBM degree, the ability to get on well with the opposite sex and to hold back flatulence in a crowded elevator.

    So you can see why Mark didn't touch it - for now.


    In other news.
    (Anthony Sagliani)
    Atmospheric Nino background state all but gone based on CFS progs for late May/early June. So long, Godzilla.



    With El Nino (pronounced EL NINE-O not EL NEENYO as previously thought. Since we are in America and we speak English, we can pronounce foreign words any way we damn well please. I was informed of this recently by a disgruntled American Vet who claimed that these "Goddam ferriners" are trying to conquer the USA by infiltration and subterfuge. That we must watch our "flank" and our "6" and not let them force us to learn their language, they have to learn ours!) fading fast, the chances for Atlantic TS and Hurricane formation increases a good deal more than with El Nino present. So we may be in for a real busy season.

    Or not.

    I will be riding out the Atlantic Season in the Wespac. So I am not skeered. Well not skeered of the Atlantic buggery. However, after tales of the strong Typhoons that swat the areas there in the Wespac, I may have to wear adult diapers to hide the effects of my being frightened and to be able to watch a full featured movie without missing any of it to go pee.

    So, we must be vigilant from here on out!

    I vote that the coffee pot remains on here in the Bunker 24/7 and some powdered donuts be available to dip at the same time!

    Sorry I haven't been on much my second shift turned into 3rd and 4th. But I got a day off so they could catch up production.
  10. McBart ender's Avatar
    From KKKiddd on 6/May/16:

    Still, it isn't as bad as OK, which isn't OK, except when it is OK, but not all right which is not all right because nothing is ALL right, but only MOSTLY right, otherwise it would be perfect, which would be OK, but since it isn't and never will be, we will just have to settle for OK. Which isn't the State of OK, unless OK is OK then it is, but I've heard it isn't, by virtue of the shakey ground, all right? OK.

    But I'm going to AR, not AK or AL, OK?

    What's a good drink for THAT Bart?
    I'll have one whenever you figure it out.

    That's my final answer.
    Updated 05-06-2016 at 06:31 PM by McBart ender (Great Blog LF...!)
  11. Landfall2004's Avatar
    KanKunKid - Today 01:44 PM
    Poking fun
    in all the right places
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    Levi Cowan ‏@TropicalTidbits 18m18 minutes ago

    @BigJoeBastardi Analogs do support active yellow area, but depends strongly on how much EPAC cools. Right now much warmer than any analogs.



    It looks like someone has been monitoring our posts on the "Rocket Fuel" which IS the Mulf of Gexico (coded for GOM I cant write pig latin, dang corporate spies!! Funny that would show up the same day as Jeff.......)
    Sure they make of us, but they respect us, like that guy in the movie "Twister" with Helen Hunt and that guy that was the mean brother in "Weird Science" (Bill Paxton? Yeah.......HIM!) He knew his ****!
    That's us.
    I will even give Lib high marks today for a slick FBM move, a silent graph which was apparently weather related or something, nobody really knows! Which is the beauty of it. It makes you think the poster knows more than you about it. Of course she couldn't fool Mark, who Juan-upped her with his Spirograph images - equally mysterious but clearly poking the bear, or possibly bear cub.

    Still, there was a Jeff sighting and a Tulsa sighting all on the same day...

    The season and certain doom is to fall upon us all. Get your affairs in order and if you are running around like chicken little and need to be told to use your SS/BS protocols, then wait patiently, someone will give the order and you can do all the unecessary and some necessary things that people do when faced with impending doom and just stand there making inane remarks. If you are cool, intelligent, a bit detached and debonair, then you do not need to be told to use your superior SS/BS protocols (which normally include pleasant female company and a wet bar and a fresh Martini...shaken, not stirred) They will already be poised for deployment at just the right time. Any suggestion to deploy early will be met by a glance that could only say: "FO!"

    I am a bit out of sorts today as it is the first day of sleep after starting to work on 3rd shift.

    I did the switch the hard way, staying up all day and all night and then sleeping.
    I am now a Zombie or at least I know how one feels. I ordered Dominoes pizza and am having a beer with it and it feels OK. I never cared for human entrails all that much, not even with beer or fricasseed. I would make a terrible Zombie. I just want to go home and rest in my Lazy-boy. I was never one to follow the crowd. I also enjoy being around people who take care of themselves and their hygiene and bathe regularly, that leaves most Zombies out.

    i only have to endure this torture for a few days, so I should be back to normal (whatever the **** THAT is.) after that.

    Carry on!

    You know when people tell you: "Don't let Joe Bastardi scare you!"
    Don't listen to them!

    I know, I know. There is nothing yet to hype.

    It never hurts to practice hype and to project doom.

    Remember the boy who cried wolf?
    The first time he did it, ALL the people came! It was a rousing success!
    PR people would have called him a genius.
    FEMA people would have adored how he got people to practice disaster drills.
    But the fat lazy town people got pissed off (They would have strung up a TV weatherman after 2 weeks of blown forecasts) and changed the story.
    The truth is that the wolf DID come and the boy was right! He is one of the survivors and left town and is now working for the NHC.

    He has a pretty good record: 1 out of 3.

    He is very good and could very well be head over all of it by now, but he is an incorrigible practical joker and his career has borne the scars of it.

    I just hope they never have a REAL fire there.
  12. Landfall2004's Avatar
    KanKunKid - Today 07:06 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by Landfall2004
    What-you didn't want to have fun with that WD-40 Ad?

    I have a word for you, but my Southern upbringing won't let me utter it!
    This could have been better than the Great Dutch Oven Debacle!!! Epic, even.
    Pffffttttttt!


    We did have fun with it, sort of.... We made fun of it mainly.

    It's just that as card carrying members of the male race, and being "He men" besides and having used WD-40 on guns (It's primary purpose) to see an ad that shows uses it was never intended for, get our dander up! Especially when the double entendre wasn't double. It was just a weak attempt to besmirch the name of a product that men take seriously, as serious as our guns..no pun or double entendre intenred.



    This is more like the product the ad was talking about.

    It is more of a solvent, a penetrating oil, whereas WD 40 protects metal from corrosion, "WD" Water Displacement by displacing corrosive liquids such as water, chlorine, bromine and any other chemical in a liquid form that oxidizes ferric derived metals. All of the products are used as a lubricant and WD-40 can be sprayed down an engine intake to check if the engine is being starved of fuel, without singing Juan's eyebrows off. WD 40 does not do well as a penetrating oil. (Some say, "HA! What do you know? I have been using it for years and I am happy with the results!" I say "HA! you have been doing the same foreplay (none) for years too and may be happy with the results, but the whole experience could be much better!" )
    Just sayin'

    Penetrating oil is primarily used for breaking loose rusted nuts or bolts.
    Even though there are several popular varieties including the one mentioned above, such as PB Blaster, Liquid wrench, Kroil and so on. A group of mechanics discovered that mixing Acetone 50/50 with ATF (Automatic transmission fluid) and using it on rusted parts, has it over the retail products. the problem with the "home brew" stuff is that it has to be kept in a closed bottle and it will melt some plastics. No matter what you use as an application on such parts, a generous application of heat and a good sharp rap with a hammer can always ease the process. I use an 800 ft lb impact wrench and if that doesn't work I use a "hot" wrench. "No nut, too tough." Reminds me of an expression that........

    Uh, never mind.

    So as you can see we take our "tools" seriously, if someone is going to use it in such a manner as the person who wrote the fake ad (WD -40 was released to the general public in San Diego in 1958, In 1961, the would-have-been Weather Bunker friendly employees of Rocket Chemical company, all 7 of them, doubled since 1960 due to the success of the product, worked a weekend to put out additional cases of WD 40 to send to the gulf coast area of the USA (and probably Port Joe) because of the demand caused by Hurricane Carla! (on topic!)) it would be necessary to use blunt force humor and leave out the silly references. Although I can see where a person who gets enough sleep, doesn't drink, hasn't been divorced twice and lives under a mountain of stress in a cheap hotel may find it slightly amusing. The equivalent of a "knock knock" joke, trying too hard. (Orange you glad I didn't say banana?)

    Anyway, there was just too much BS in the effort I thought. And a total misunderstanding of mechanical things as they relate to human sexuality. It is like using octopus tentacles as a sexual innuendo. Sure, they have suckers on them, they are long and round-ish, but they aren't funny and are only used by women in a sexual context to describe something unpleasant, revolting or unwanted. Men do not use octopus tentacles in analogies. We just don't do it.
    A tentacle is a tentacle and WD 40 is WD 40. You can say all you want about them and make fake ads. Real men will not respond.

    By the way Acetone is highly flammable and you need to keep it off your skin..

    You're welcome.
  13. Landfall2004's Avatar
    KanKunKid - Today 07:26 PM
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    I was going to say before I was rudely interrupted by myself,
    that, tornado season seems a bit late this year. We are usually experiencing such in mid April! Those of us who hunt (and kill and eat) mushrooms, are not finding many this year. This is a bad omen. It is unprecedented except in 1962 when I was grounded and couldn't go in the woods. (I found a skunk). So we are not sure as mycophagists what this really means, it could be good or it could be bad, but since it seems to be bad because there is a lack of good mushroom eating, we have pretty much interpreted it as the end of the world as we know it. Conflagrations have been ruled out however, because we don't want to hear of going out like that, so we are settling for severe weather, I mean, if AGM folks cam make stuff up, so can we!
    We don't know, but since there are tornadoes going on, we must assume that it is a sign of a period of deadly severe weather. We are not sure how long it will last but we will keep an eye on conditions. As soon as the phenonmenonnie nonnie stops. We will assume the time period is over, unless it isn't, then we will just revise our statement so that we don't look like we were wrong.
    We just are here to save lives (and eat fresh picked mushrooms after we fry them up in a light batter...morels! mmmmm!)
  14. Landfall2004's Avatar
    KanKunKid - Today 08:33 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ossqss
    3K, Was there not a James Bond movie about an octopus?
    Well, it was Roger Moore so I'm not sure if it really counts, but I believe there was no role for an actual Octopus, not a speaking role anyway. I can't remember. Maybe some B roll.

    But the actual word "Octopus" was not the focus of the plot, but rather a elongated form of the last 3 letters of the word, which is not allowed to be seen here, except in the feline form as a graphic, which eludes the ever vigilant text censor. (The female lead was the head of an Octopus club of some kind that women belonged to and had a blue (not an accurate depiction of a real Octopus) tattooed on them.)

    THAT particular word, will get the attention of a real man and ironically some cat lovers.You can put it at the beginning or end of other words and it will still have merit.

    Fortunately, Ian Flemings Character "Octo*****" actually was real (HOT) woman back in the day and also got the attention of Real Men.
    If she had been called just Octopus, the movie would have fell flat and Ian Flemings character would have never surfaced, not even in another of his stories turned cinematic triumph: "Chitty chitty bang bang." Who could have easily been a cohort of the notorious Baron Bomburst ruler of Vulgaria, screenplay also written by Ian Fleming and the Baron was also known as GoldFinger...
    But I digress, and I NEVER do that...!
    So Hot women can be named anything and will still garner attention from Real Men, because basically, Hotness causes us to ignore any verbage coming from them.
    But we never use the term Octopus in the purest sense as a sexual metaphor. We just don't.
    Maud Adams=Octo*****
  15. Landfall2004's Avatar
    KanKunKid - Today 08:03 PM
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    I was not allowed to do homework at home. I got poor marks because of it and finally, one of those overbearing bigoted math teachers (Mr McCory, liked to offer his opinions on life and politics other than the course he was supposed to be teaching. He was very pleased with WWII Generals. This was while the Vietnam war was just getting underway) decided to make an example of me in front of the class.
    So when I once again did not turn in my homework, he announced to the class that they were to keep busy and we were going to the Principal's office to make a phone call to my parents.
    My Dad just happened to be home and fielded the call.

    I saw the smug look of my teacher wither to a look of forlorn wistfulness and finally hopelessness.

    My Dad could have that effect.

    The teacher was pushing for a reason why I did not do my homework.
    He all the while thinking my Dad was unawares and that he would bring the wrath of my Dad crumbling down on me.

    Wrong!

    He asked the teacher who paid his salary and the teacher replied that the taxpayers do. My Dad said fine, he is a taxpayer and the amount of his time and money are sufficient for a qualified teacher to teach a student during the hours of the day allotted by the institution. He would not allow a teacher to take further time away from his son when he was at home.
    Mr McCory tried to counter by appealing to his fatherly pride: "But don't you want your son to learn and be a good student?"
    My Dad saw where this was going. He said "Yes, but unfortunately, I can only afford to send him to public school."

    Finally, the teacher started to ask something about why he would not allow me to do home work and that and hour or so of school work would not cut into his son's family life that much.

    So my Dad said "Fine, I will tell you what, would you mind if my son spent an hour or so in your class doing a project unrelated to your class?"

    Mr McCory said "Well heavens no! While he is in school, he is supposed to be doing school work and nothing else!"

    "Exactly! When he is at home, he does what I want him to do. School work is done at school! It is not to be done at home. If you are not qualified to teach him the required curriculum in the time given you to do so, then maybe you should find another job. My son's secular education period ends when he leaves the classroom. Is that clear?"

    When Mr McCory and I re-entered the classroom he looked like he had a stroke. He mumbled something about my Dad not letting me do homework and then he sat down at his desk and pretended to read something while the class all looked at me like I was a rock star.

    It didn't last long.

    Every time he assigned home homework after that he would make a point to ostracize me and say "Except for Mr Smith"* whose father forbids him the benefit of doing homework.

    So other kids didn't like me for that.

    He taught algebra and geometry and naturally, I flunked the class because homework was part of the grade.

    What he didn't know was that my Dad's mother worked for the school board and after an investigation, it was found that he was not teaching according to the guidelines set forth by them and his students were learning less than any other students in that subject in the same township and even less in the City.
    So he was asked to retire early or be canned.

    He retired.

    Still, even though I despised algebra and geometry, years later I excelled at it.

    As Paul Simon once wrote "When I think back on all the crap I learned in high school, it's a wonder I can think at all. And though my lack of education hasn't hurt me none, I can read the writing on the wall."

    Mr McCory was the exception. I got along quite well with almost all of my teachers and when the class was stumped, I would not raise my hand to answer, but the teacher would often call on me anyway, because he knew I knew the answer. Some of the teachers made their classes a joy to be in to learn. But I usually was ahead and got bored and was reading "Tom Swift and his Jet marine" behind my math book or geography or __________.
    There were some really good teachers and they knew how to deal with student who could excel. Some could not.
    I became a teacher, but not in school, in the corporate arena, where I applied what I learned and the example of those gifted teachers who could teach a wide variety of students well.

    I graduated number 2 in my class of over 1000 and never did one bit of homework.

    So when My kids went to school.....

    I pulled them out and home schooled them.
    My oldest was doing college level calculus at 8 years old and my youngest (after I lost him in the divorce) won a scholarship at a nice school in Ohio.

    I wonder where I would have been today if my Dad had not stunted my genius by beating the living **** out of me.



    * Names changed to protect the guilty.
  16. Landfall2004's Avatar
    KanKunKid - Today 11:31 AM
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    Quote Originally Posted by NavarreMark
    Yep. Next week is game on.

    Until next week when it will be the next week.
    Yes, you bring up an interesting concept that is difficult for many to grasp.

    Next week is next week until it is this week, when this week will be last week which is not last week at all now because it will be this week then and then this week which was next week last week wont be at all, and never could have been then but is when it is, and what it is.
    But you said it will be next week when it will be THE next week, by inserting the definite article "The" in front of "next week" you have shown it to be a proper noun which gives it a little more "street cred" than your standard "run of the mill" "next week" which is always there after this week. But no! not "THE next week!" By using the definite article you have cursed "the next week" into relative historical effervescence and immortality. ie: The week following this week will always be the week following this week even next week when this week is last week, don't you see?

    Mark was basically (and most cleverly) saying, though hidden by simple but intense and profound verbal chicanery that "Game on" will happen next week or not, and the following weeks, like an image caught between 2 mirrors, will seemingly reflect the same image into the infinite future, as far as we can see, but is only the same thing over and over again!

    I'll bet you thought nobody would catch that! Ha!

    Well played sir, well played.
  17. Landfall2004's Avatar
    KanKunKid - Today 11:51 AM
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    Quote Originally Posted by DestinJeff
    Happy The Season everyjuan!

    Also my son's 12th birthday, which makes being a 14 year old dad even more so nvts.

    Homegrown, blah blah blah... So far the season is a snoozer and I am duly and dully unimpressed. Although I hear next week could bring interestingness to the Florida nether regions.
    It appears to me that Florida itself IS a nether region. It's shape alone gives the viewer an impression of an item often found in nether regions, except of course the "panhandle" area, which would correspond to the "sack" area adjacent to the Peninsular land area of the state, if Juan were so inclined to acquiesce to the idea.

    Interestingness is always a + to any peninsular nether region. It is a shame (in some respects) that I do not call it my home any more. Not that there is a lack of professional sports teams there to adopt as Juans Juan and only favorite, unless you don't like any of them or you don't give a **** unlike the guy in Ohio who apparently did.

    I fear no AGW Hurricane, because they do not exist, however, the normal garden variety swirly from the tropics I respect. I left my "Go kit" in Florida. I don't need it here. We need "Go kits" for tornadoes here called "basements" and "cars." For those of us with hypertension, I tried for weeks to get an approved food item with less salt, as you know Slim Jims (check the date on them when you buy them, I got Juan last week from the 70's at a truck stop where BJ ad the Bear must have been) and Cheetos are high in sodium. I don't want to die of a stroke while surviving a hurricane. My Go kit would be my Go to Hell kit then.

    I'm with Jeff: The season is a real snoozer and when you snooze, you lose. I don't know WHAT you lose though, but I'm not going to lose sleep over it.
  18. Landfall2004's Avatar
    I've still got to go back to Cone's last blog and go back about 2 weeks for some more of The Bard. I've been draggin' lately and been remiss in my duties.
  19. Landfall2004's Avatar
    KanKunKid - Today 02:15 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ossqss
    On the subject of the Goliath gator over the weekend, upon speaking with some friends who hunt them in that area, there is a question as to why the big boy was on the move. It is nearing the end of mating season, and the question is if he was moving to take over new territory, or was being evicted from where he was by a bigger gator. Apparently, he is not alone per some opinions whom frequent there. Bad thing is, they will probably take the big boy out as that is public land and presents a safety issue on the golf course.




    It reminds of the time I lived in Cape Coral and on a lake at the end where the canal entered into it. After Hurricane Charley, a 14 footer came down the canal as he has done for years but usually in the spring and this was August (after Charley) . This time he wasn't scoping out gator babes. Instead he was lurking about in the flotsam and jetsam and weeds there at the edge of the bank where my back yard was a 40 degree slope about 50' down from the back of my house to the lake. He was there scaring the chickens. Not literal chickens, I don't have any (I think they are against Cape Coral code. EVERYTHING is against Cape Coral code so I am sure chickens are. Ducks are against code, but they cant read and they evade code enforcement like a mofo. They poop everywhere (not on grocery store scanners though) and create a nuisance. But since they are wild, nobody will do anything about the billed bastards. I wish there were wild chickens, then I could have had them. I would have been able to have my own chicken poop Bingo model in my own back yard!) But what I did have were people in my household who were "chicken" when it came to alligators. I have told the story of how I called the police and asked if I could shoot it. They said no. I cannot discharge a firearm in Cape Coral unless it was a life or death situation. Then they told me to call animal control. I called them and (at the time) they said they were protected and that I could not shoot it unless it was trying to kill me. I asked how could I tell if it was trying to kill me and not just taste me to see if I was good to eat. The person on the other end had NO sense of humor whatsoever and said that if it tried to attack or bite me or a child then I should call them and they would come and handle the animal.

    Nice.

    I asked if he knew if a cell phone worked from inside the belly of a gator.

    No reply.

    At the time I had my Dad's sawed off AK-47 (modified) sport rifle with a full mag.

    I watched it for awhile and it just sat there, lurking and gawking like a peeping tom.
    After a few hours I happened to look and it had its head upon the shore and was moving ever so slowly up the hill.
    I quickly went out through the slider (sliding door, not White Castle burger) and brandished my weapon.
    It was unimpressed.
    I drew a bead and had him locked between the eyes in the iron sights.

    To discharge a warning shot was against the law and he was not attacking me, so I dropped the stance, slung the rifle and picked up some left over 2x4 chunks that had the ends sawed off at a 45 degree angle and about a foot long.

    I chucked the first one at him and missed everything but the lake.

    I drew back again and tried throwing it like a knife holding the pointy end first. I released and it flew end over end and the pointy end hit him square in the eye! (Chubbs would have been proud) He backed into the water and eyed me with his good eye and watched as I kept throwing and missing. A couple more hit him and one hit him in the exact same place on his eye, so he went under the water and didn't come up for awhile.
    When he did, he appeared 30 yards out in the middle of mouth of the canal and was setting course east out of the lake. I tried to hit him with another salvo amidships, but he had already gotten under way and By the time I reloaded I was several points off his starboard beam.
    He was making about 2 knots partially submerged when I last saw him on a course of 090 true and this would have taken him to a sluice that has been closed as long as I can remember, which means he will have to flop over it or climb the slope of the canal and cross the road. I never saw him in the canal, but later, the next month, an aggressive gator was caught by animal control with a mouthful of poodle. It was taken away to an undisclosed location by animal control.
    A month earlier a lady was killed by a gator on Sanibel. USA Tuh day article

    So, it was a genuine concern for me and my chickens.

    Here is a myth buster article on gators for the uninitiated.
  20. McBart ender's Avatar
    From KKKiddd:

    " I'm with Jeff: The season is a real snoozer and when you snooze, you lose. I don't know WHAT you lose though, but I'm not going to lose sleep over it. "
  21. Landfall2004's Avatar
    KanKunKid - Today 02:58 PM
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    BTW. I am here in the Bunker TN MTN station in lush and picturesque Byrdstown TN A town surrounded by Dale Hollow lake and home of Twin Lakes Telephone COOP Corp, the slowest fiber optic network in existence on the planet, with the highest prices to be found anywhere and customer service that is second only to a lame duck politician and much better liars.

    I marvel at the complicity of the above and wait patiently or impatiently (it doesn't matter, I still have to wait) for pages to load and emails to send and pictures to appear as slow as molasses in January.

    So I am going to complete my Memorial day weekend extension by grilling more burgers and drinking more beer.

    It pays to be multi talented and half snockered.
  22. Landfall2004's Avatar
    KanKunKid - Today 08:17 PM
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    I have to vent about something.

    Yes, I know...totally unlike me to vent.

    But! Vent I must or someone becomes a victim of road rage.

    I 75 was completed to Tampa in 1977 and to Miami in 1986. It was widened and altered and fixed and had been under construction ever since with places like Cincinnati and Dayton doing major widening (or that is what they say) for several years now.

    I 70 and most of the Interstates seem to be under construction almost constantly. There is almost no interstate highway where you do not have to wait because traffic is stopped or REALLY !@#$!@ SLOW!

    But nothing can be done about that I suppose, progress, ya know.

    But what really gets me is the psychological separation of A type personalities when two lanes go to one.

    Are you the type of person that sees the lane is closed and immediately switches over to the open lane and waits like everyone else, or are the you the one that continues down to where the lane ends, thus avoiding a long wait and either wait for an opening or try to force and opening so you (the most important, clever, superior, in hurry or fill-in-the-blank reason for going to the head of the line)cut in, thus slowing the lane for everyone else behind you. But you don't care because you are in the clear and those "suckers" are behind you, sucking on exhaust fumes and waiting their turn.

    Yeah.

    Sometimes truckers will block the lane to help make the traffic flow. But, the interlopers always get by.
    It is against the law to shoot these people. But the desire is there or at least the hope for some natural or accidental retribution. So as the "suckers" wait in line and wish evil upon the interlopers, the interlopers think they have bested their fellow driver by their keen wit and sense of superiority.
    So far it is only against the law in a couple of states and only if it is posted.

    I used to let it bother me but not any more.

    Some day people will start shooting these interlopers and I want no part of it, it's only a matter of time.

    The police don't care. They are licensed to interlope so they take the interloper's side. Apparently it's not a crime to be a Richard.
    So they let it happen and let it go (except where it is illegal).

    So....

    rant /off
  23. Landfall2004's Avatar
    KanKunKid - Today 09:00 PM
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    Quote Originally Posted by DestinJeff
    The fact of the matter is this:

    The "zipper merge" is easily the most effective means of achieving optimal throughput when two lanes go to Juan.

    The problem, however, is that it requires that everyjuan realize the beauty of the zipper merge, otherwise it rapidly devolves to gridlock. But when executed as designed, the zipper merge works like a champ.

    So, please, use BOTH LANES to the point of the merge! Then those in the "open" lane should allow the "closed" lane cars to merge in alternately with open lane cars. This zipper effect will ensure smooth flow of traffic every time.
    I have no problem with the "zipper merge" also referred to as the "swoop." I heard it both ways as far West as Phoenix.

    But that is the problem with the "B" personality people. They take their place in the lane that is open and ferociously guard their place in line. They don't allow "swoopers" or "zipper merges" thus denying moving merges and creating a n intolerable traffic scenario. These people have 401K plans, buy whole life insurance and have a AAA membership and check on their portfolio and credit report more than necessary. They try to run their kid's lives and blame other people for their mistakes. Or possibly nothing like that at all.

    As long as they are not forced to merge, they get along well.

    I have played both parts and although the swoop or zipper merge is very nice or even just getting ahead, I tend to focus on the real problem: Poor planned construction!
    $10,000 fine for hitting a construction worker.

    I think they mean with a car, because I saw a guy hit a road worker pretty hard with his fist.

    They know what they are doing. They are playing us against each other. Now most states have serious laws against chucking things out of your car. So they now are able to mock us and pretty much make us drive wherever the he11 they want us to and at 25 mph, and without the threat of reprisal.

    So, I can just sit now and focus my disdain on those causing the problem. the manipulating bastards!

    I could be wrong about this, but I don't think so.
  24. Landfall2004's Avatar
    KanKunKid - Today 11:47 AM
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    Quote Originally Posted by NavarreMark
    BREAKING NEWS!!!! BREAKING NEWS!!!! BREAKING NEWS!!!!

    It's only a matter of time until The Big Juan.

    HEADLINE: Rumbles Heard From Mount St. Helens: Is Another Major Eruption Coming?

    Rumbles heard from Mount St. Helens: Is another major eruption coming? (+video) - CSMonitor.com
    Yes, I believe now is not the time to invest in a resort near there, not that Juan would if Juan could.
    I was stuck in a restaurant yesterday and some local yokel had one of the dozen or so TVs turned off a sports channel and was watching presidential election shxt.

    There was someone that was talking to someone else who was on camera on some stage somewhere and he was saying something like that someone else heard someone who was a supposed expert say that if ________ got elected, there would be a worldwide economic crash. I can't remember the answer that was given because I thought the question was so funny. There have been plenty of other bona fide reasons for a worldwide economic crash and it hasn't happened (yet).
    The mud-slinging has now been elevated to forecast DOOM slinging.
    It is something we know something about at least and we all regard it as tongue-in-cheek humor. But apparently someone is trying to get a few sniper shots in at the last minute or something.
    The next thing you know they will be postulating: "We heard that if _____________ gets elected, MT St Helens will BLOW!"

    Well we just can't have that can we? It will probably blow anyway or seep volcanic farts for the next 30 years.

    The whole smear campaign to me is funny. Every little thing in a persons life is scrutinized, but in reality, is there such a person who did nothing wrong? Everybody has done something wrong. So, it becomes a matter of choosing which evil monster's leash will Congress be holding.

    Or perhaps nothing like that at all.
    I'm sorry I brought it up.
  25. txjac's Avatar
    The Earth's weather is like a woman's mood; constantly changing, unless she decides otherwise. The clothes she wears. the things she eats, her make up or lack thereof and the expression on her face and the way she treats people are all indicators of her mood and how she will treat someone like you when you happen to confront her. One thing you cannot do is predict how she will act in any certain set of circumstances. But, if she is wearing a hat, it is very likely she either had a bad hair day or didn't have time to deal with it, if she is wearing sunglasses inside, she has been crying or has puffy eyes or is hiding something. If she is wearing sweat pants and she is not exercising, well, trust me, you don't want to know! (Whatever you do, don't ask her).

    The weather is the same (except not as vindictive) indicators help us to keep track of trends and if we know that, under a certain set of circumstances, similar things happened before, we know that it is highly likely that they will happen again.

    The charts that we saw earlier show that we are entering a phase of weather phenomenon known as La Nina where there is no warm spot in the eastern Pacific (EL Nino) So now, our weather patterns will be influenced by this phenomenon which usually means more Atlantic tropical system activity among other things.

    Unfortunately, as in my analogy of a woman's moods, there is no way to predict anything for a certainty using these indicators. However, certain sets of probabilities can be ruled out from a much more earlier forecast with such events, but not with 100% certainty. Each weather event and indicator gives us more data, which gives us more indicators which gives us something to compare historical data with. As a weather phenomenon progresses, it becomes easier to forecast its eventuality short term. Still, long term forecasts are generally more accurate with more ambiguity, but the more detailed it is the more likely it is to be proven inaccurate. A weather forecast is not a prediction, it is a statement that tells us what can be expected given the data at hand. Some meteorologists get cocky and issue their forecasts as though they were predictions, and as such, they become more than forecasts, but make the "weatherman" look like an idiot (not hard to do with some of them) when his predictions don't come true. Since weather forecasting is based on science, the better the scientist, the better the weatherman and the more he points to the science, the better the forecasts and the more informative he will be.

    It is no easy task to learn all of the indicators (just ask Lib) and what they tell us. So you may want to stick to Juan. Thunderstorms. Tornadoes. Blizzards. Tropical Storms and Hurricanes. Floods. Earthquakes. Volcanoes. Haboobs (yes, a sand storm, not a beach greeting) are all part of meteorology to name a few and each has its own set of data points and indicators to know how to forecast.

    I hope that helps confuse you further or not.
  26. McBart ender's Avatar
    Just sitting in for LF while she's on her Alaska Cruise....

    Quote Originally Posted by KanKunKid
    I is in Lincoln Knee Braska at the moment.
    I drove all day and half the night from Dayton OH and was baptized by water on the way. By baptized by water I mean I drove through torrential downpours where windshield wipers were just stirring the deep water on the windshield visibility was -200.
    In the twilight, I saw some severe TSTMs lighting up and showing those round cloud formations like a 1950's space helmet.
    I'll be here for about 2 weeks. Maybe I'll see some good stuff.

    ECF looks like it's on the fritz again or Lt Nodar fell off the wagon (again)

    Just because it's boring now, doesn't mean it will stay that way. Us FBMs have a saying. But I can't remember what it was right this minute.
    Anyway, never turn your back on a blank page chart.

    Weather is sneaky!
    Just ask anyone who has golfed in FL.
  27. McBart ender's Avatar
    Just sitting in for LF while she's on her Alaska Cruise....

    Quote Originally Posted by KanKunKid
    The models didn't forecast it properly, so now they are ignoring it. To them it does not exist until they say it exists! Dang establishment pukes!
    Meanwhile, lives hang in the balance!

    And somewhere, it is 5 O'clock!

    But not here in Lincoln where it is forecast to be 100 degrees!

    I got my identity stolen once.

    They gave it back with $100 and a sympathy card.

    Apparently the "victim" was arrested and slapped silly. Unfortunately, there were no cameras rolling at the time to corroborate the story.

    He was dumped by his girlfriend and his house was foreclosed and his car was repossessed and his dog got run over by the short bus. Somebody woke him up in the middle of the night and set fire to his front porch! When he went to stamp it out, it was a bag full of poo. he has gotten threatening letters and phone calls, his electricity was shut off and the bank suddenly remembered he had 36 NSF charges. He was just about to catch his breath when the IRS came for a visit and was eyeing his stuff. He owes $42K in back taxes now.

    He was about to do himself in when he happened on the idea of giving me my identity back. Since then things have turned around for him and he has a regular job working at Publix in the deli.

    I have never been arrested or slapped silly (by cops) so that must have been something he said as me. But things have been nice now that everyone has gotten even with him (me).

    But I have known all along...."It isn't easy being me.."

    Seriously though, I have had my identity stolen, or rather my bank card information stolen by a Walmart employee. She allowed a friend to come in and buy $600 worth of stuff on my card info.
    The bank gave it back 2 weeks later after a full investigation where I was able to prove that I was not a 34 year old black women with 2 kids. It was touch and go for awhile, you know how bad lt banks hate to fork over dinero! But they did. After that, they charged me for every little thing they could find and get away with (sometimes they didn't, but they always blamed the computer 2001 a space movie style...). I finally had to bank elsewhere the vindictive !@#$%%! The bank name started with an "S"

    Now if you will all excuse me, I am going to see what manner of basting I will wear today in the oven....
  28. McBart ender's Avatar
    Just sitting in for LF while she's on her Alaska Cruise.....

    Quote Originally Posted by KanKunKid
    10%?


    It practically spells it out: "Bay of Campeche"

    It's DOOM on the docket with the fuel of the rocket.
    Quote Originally Posted by KanKunKid
    Well another heat advisory day here in the cornhusker state (I am not sure what that means exactly. Corn doesn't have husks except maybe popcorn and it is that thin hemispherical brown bit that gets stuck behind your tonsils and makes you yack like a dog with a chicken bone caught in his throat trying to dislodge it. You shuck corn, not husk it. But they won't listen to me, they are set in their ways of ignorance and bliss...so.....) The heat is almost enough to make you wanna believe in AGW and while your brain is cooking in its own juices, you might even toy with the idea, untill you realized that you might have helped to cause it.
    By then you're back in the cool hotel room and your fried brain cools down and thinks straight.

    This is your brain in Nebraska.
    Quote Originally Posted by KanKunKid
    So far, I have lived to regret everything I have said worth regretting saying. Juan may think an intelligent being with a decent education would learn from such experiences, but regret is a strange bird. Wishing you hadn't said something doesn't necessarily mean what you said was wrong. Not living to regret somethig you have said means that you have either outlived the effects of said utterance or you are now dead. Those are good odds, because if you are reading this the former scenario would be the case.
    Usually it is another person who gives us cause to consider and implement regret over something we said and meant at the time. But later, upon closer examination, when the expiration date came for the aforementioned words, they rather smell, as in rotten.
    So, maybe it is ok to let it ride as long as we can avoid the persons or person who was the object of the utterance.
    If it is a blog post, well, now you are in hostile territory. The written word cannot be denied or ignored. It can be readily referenced by all and be used against you at will.
    It is best to use a "disclaimer."
    It covers you in such cases legally, but not from irritable people who ignore the disclaimer and are offended at the content of the words you said, whether you meant it or not or meant them or not. A disclaimer is like a condom, it only works when it works, when it doesn't you will eventually find out about it, but there isn't anything you can do about it by then.

    So say what you mean and mean what you say and be ready to run, deny or issue a formal apology. Or you could weasel out. Naw, you're not a weasel.

    Just.....carry on!
    Updated 06-18-2016 at 02:04 PM by McBart ender
  29. McBart ender's Avatar
    Still guest hosting for LF while she's on her Alaska Cruise....

    Quote Originally Posted by KanKunKid
    Or drink and argue with a woman of interest who hasn't been drinking, knows you have, but still uses it against in a court of female law. ( The court of female law has law, statutes, rules, regulations, and punishment and fines. The judge, jury, baliff, arresting officer and court recorder are all the same person. Court will convene at the most inappropriate times. You may be able to bring your own attorney, but it is highly frowned upon and may hurt your case. It won't matter anyway, the law has a private interpretation and is subject to change according to the mood of the judge and the severity of the crime.)
    By drinking I mean holding a glass or bottle in your hand. Even if you haven't taken a sip, you will be charged under the "open container" law. If you haven't opened the container, you will charged for drinking under the "intent to drink" clause, which is the same as being 3 sheets to the wind. Denying it only aggravates the arresting orificer and makes a harder case to prove.
    So always put the drink down and step away from the alcohol serving area when aproached by an argumentative significant other. An attempt at humor must be ironclad lest the intended victim believes you are already inebriated, a bad joke will confirm it and ruin your case.
    My advice is if you're going to drink the fifth, plead the fifth and keep quiet.
    Silence is not the tool of a snockered person, it will throw them off and eventually, after trying to incite you to enter into an argument,they will postulate theories about your condition, verbally, in an attempt to get you to correct them. But when the real cops say "anything you say can and will be used against you....." it more aptly applies here.

    Of course you don't have to be drinking for any of this to apply. It just makes it easier for them to make a case and remind you of it years later, when you wish to enjoy yourself, (something that some women cannot abide, unless they were the author(s) of it.) and they feel for some reason, that you do not deserve it and are taking a strong stand against the notion that since the world DOES revolve around them, you are taking time away from the nurturing of their own desires, a crime in the above mentioned court.
    This is another reason for your romantic rhetoric to be realistic while dating. That is because they remember all the stuff
    (BS) you said to "get" them. "I would move heaven and earth..." for example. That wasn't a line, no sir! That was a promise. Later on it will be used against you: "You told me you would move heaven and earth for me, all I am asking is to move your ass off the couch and take mom's luggage upstairs, she is going to be staying for a few weeks...." Perhaps you have your own version.

    Of course this does not apply if you have found yourself a tolerant women and have hitched wagons together.
    These situations are few and far between, which is why most movies about it are lies.

    If you base your mate choosing paradigm after a movie plot, you are asking for failure, unless you are a cartoon character, (Wile E Coyote being the perfect example) in which case, you don't have to worry about failure.
  30. McBart ender's Avatar
    Still guest hosting for LF while she's on her Alaska Cruise...

    Quote Originally Posted by KanKunKid
    Yes, I am against violence and I am especially against violence against me. But, most of the time, women are intelligent and have a sense of humor and can laugh about such things, instead of being "manish" and turning to bloodshed and violence or woodshed and violins. I am counting on them to be nice.
    That HAS backfired from time to time. But only with certain individuals, who I shall not name because that is where the trouble starts. Be vague, general, and ambiguous and they will elect you! But get specific and name names and you are a dead man and not sought after by women in general (there are always exceptions. Some women fall for some guy that seems to be the opposite of what women want in a man. They stick to him like glue! It doesn't happen very often though. But I am hoping for just one more time!) or women in particular not meaning any particular woman, but, women who are particular, which is not all that peculiar these days given the availability of suitable suitors.
    The further away from a certain laughable situation, you tend to place yourself, the easier it is to laugh about it.
    On the other hand, people pay good money to get flesh extracted from them, but I do not believe that it is as painless as I suppose the aforementioned method may be.
    So I'll pass and deny everything.

    I have a disclaimer around here somewhere.....
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